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dilfosaur · 4 months ago

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well i haven't spilled my guts on tumblr since i was in college but it's the platform that's felt The Most Mine thru the years, so

let's talk!

i've had a huge chip on my shoulder that i wanted off before the year ends. very bad professional experience to follow

so firstly to get ahead of the speculating, i'm not naming names or anything. some of you will puzzle out who i'm talking about, but please don't bother anyone especially not on my behalf. i've worked hard to distance myself from them the past few months. shit happens, especially when you're a dumb bitch (that's me!)

but also this person was someone i considered a close friend and it makes me uneasy to possibly direct backlash at them. "then why post about it" bc i did intermittent work for them for over a year. this is just about that. so hear me out

basically it started off fine. i initially did some commission work for good pay, then was invited to become more involved with their team. unfortunately as i became more involved with their operation it became more disorganized over time. projects started then forgotten, constantly shifting schedules, lapsing communication between roles, confusing financials, and often inconsistent if not late payments. during mid 2023 i was doing colorist work, sometimes on a one day turnaround (all while also preparing drawfee's summer merch launch). the payroll wasn't set up correctly so i wasn't paid for that work for over a year (more on that later), tho to be fair that was largely my own fault at first as i just didnt realize the payments didn't go thru lol

i always consider myself decently capable of separating friendship and coworker-ship; i run a company with 4 wonderful friends, going strong for almost 5 years. that didn't really work out in this case. by early this year our friendship was on the rocks; work issues fed into personal issues and vice versa. so as the rest of this shit plays out, we had just had our first "big fight" which i felt very bad about and added to all the upcoming tension

a huge point of friction was the fact that i really wanted to work with them to make a music video for one of their songs. i've always wanted a chance to make a music video, was confident in a concept i came up with, and even did some concept art for the idea. everyone insisted they loved the concept and that we should do it, but we kept pushing it back for various reasons. it ended up becoming a huge sticking point for my frustrations, which i tried to express productively. TLDR, we eventually got around to discussing it seriously around april.

i planned to ask for $4000 with negotiable add-on for the whole project, which was my Friend Discount price. i was offered a contract for $1000 flat rate, as they insisted that was the only budget they had for it.

don't ask me why i signed it lol. i didn't even counter offer

there was some girlmath to it: i wanted an extra 1k for a student scholarship i provide every spring and well, there it was. but if i had to guess, i saw it as something i just couldn't back down from any more. i caused these folks- my friends- a lot of problems bc i dug my heels in so deep to chase this project, so fuck it we ball

i had about 4 months to solo a 3 minute music video. they wanted it done in august so they could release it before summer ended, bc "it was a summer song". to be fair i was asked if i needed them to pay for anything extra like assistants (which i would have to find and manage) but i was so immediately overwhelmed that i didn't wanna slow down to wait on that process lol. there was very minimal communication other than brief progress check-ins every few weeks. i did everything for that project myself: the original concept, character designs, storyboards, layouts, backgrounds. i even did the editing/compositing for the final cut of the MV. the only favor i did myself was limiting the amount of it that was actually animated to simple loops and motions. hardly my best work but it was work still done

i did it all in between my full time job. i ended up having to take nearly a month away from most of my drawfee duties (with the support of the others) to make the august deadline. i only ever asked for a 3 day extension (notice given about a week in advance, around the same time i was given the final song file lol). i finished the music video at 6am on the final deadline and recorded drawfee the next day on 2 hours of sleep

but it was done, coolies. the team was very happy with the final product. honestly, without getting into it, those were a very emotionally taxing 4 months. on the professional side, i regretted agreeing to the project and especially for the dogshit rate they offered. i felt like a hypocrite- as someone who always wanted to advocate for younger artists demanding their worth in a world that's getting increasingly hostile toward creatives, i failed myself

so when i met with the manager to discuss the release plan, i told them to do whatever worked best for them as i only had one request: i wanted my credit removed from the project

tbh... like... lmao this dramatic bitch right!! but really, i decided that bad practices only breed worse business. friends or not, it was unprofessional of me to accept such a low paying job so i just didn't want my name used in association. everything felt so muddled to me and i was just really tired at this point

the manager was very understanding and then offered that i could be paid more. they said that their team "was surprised" i accepted their low rate and they would be happy to up the amount. this confused me as the initial budget seemed pretty set and at no point between april and august was i offered a better rate. i knew these guys weren't made of money. so, i declined. i didn't want to put anyone out of their means over work that was already done and agreed upon. but more importantly, i was over the whole thing and didn't want to prolong the project with a contract renegotiation. i just insisted my name be removed

they decided to use a pseudonym (which i was fine with) so they could create a story about a character who made the MV (this sounds really convoluted but i don't know how better to put it without getting specific, sorry). that way if people asked about the credit, they could speak comfortably about it without signaling that something went wrong behind the scenes. ok, kind of a silly narrative imo but whatevs. and maybe this is where i finally went truly wrong but. yolo i guess

i gave the name "D. Smithee", D as in dilfosaur and Smithee as in Alan Smithee. look it up for fun film trivia ig! was it passive aggressive of me to reference that in this context? yeah, honestly. but i thought it was kinda funny and really not that deep. if it was a problem, i have other real, non-cheeky pseudonyms i regularly use. the manager accepted it and all i had to do was wait for them to post the video and i could leave the whole experience behind me

a week later i received a message from the manager that my pseudonym had been denied by the rest of the team bc one of them got the reference. fair enough lol. however, they decided that rather than ask for a different name, the were going to make one up for me that they liked and would "fit the [story]", without asking me

and that! is when i finally snapped!

i was so tired of giving them concessions at this point and having a credit made up for me without any input from me felt genuinely violating and unethical. i started to Panic bc of how stressed i was, and asked for my overdue payments (aka the $500 still owed on the MV, and the colorist rate from a year prior that was never paid even tho i reported it in january) to be scheduled ASAP as i was leaving the work discord immediately

i finally told them off for exploiting me throughout the months while i kept trying to just be nice and finish my contact cleanly. in return i was told that it was unfair to say that as i agreed to everything- i accepted their cheap rate and denied further payment so that was all settled, and it was ok to change my credit without my consent bc i "said they could do whatever with the release". i called bullshit, ended the convo as kindly as i could, and cried lol. they agreed to ditch the pseudonym and just give no credit. that night was the last i heard from anyone on that team

and the real kicker?

august came and went. then september, october... and they never released the music video

and i don't know why, because i was never contacted about it. i've been removed from the picture entirely i guess. 4 months and boatloads of stress. just. up in smoke. i don't know what i expected honestly

it's hard to not take everything that happened personally and as done in bad faith. i really do, honestly. i've had plenty of shitty deals in my almost 10 year art career, but it hits different from people you saw as friends. but to the point of "why not keep it private", i have never felt so disrespected as a professional as i did this past year. i can toy with money and credits and other formalities all i want, but my work- my ideas, my labor, my effort- is still so important to me. i felt like the biggest idiot for doing so much work, pouring so much of myself into a piece for someone's use, for what has amounted to nothing

but more importantly i hated myself for undervaluing my work, even if initially i thought this person was a trusted friend. money is not really an issue for me- drawfee is my main job and i am fine and comfortable. it's so important to pay artists appropriately but i often undersell my own work bc i value the collaboration and passion between creatives more than the reward. i think a lot of artists tend to feel the same, and it often makes us easy to take advantage of. it's so difficult to find the balance between passion and making a fair living, and i think there's some shame within ourselves when artists choose to prioritize that passion

i wanted to finally get all this off my chest bc i was ashamed of every choice i made. things like this happen all the time i'm sure and hiding these mistakes only make it easier for it to happen to other people

tldr always value your work and protect your passion from people who just see it as a product. and don't give cheeky pseudonyms i guess lol

(and again pls don't bother anyone involved about this. a lot of chaos has left my life as i moved past all this, and this is me closing a door without opening new ones hopefully lol)

this shit was truly

so ass.

but i'm moving past it now

but on a nicer note. outside of all of this nonsense, i made lots of good memories this year. i'm truly so grateful to the many wonderful people in my life who keep me going even when i fuck up big time!

and thank you to all of you strangers who, despite everything, give me the time of day. especially if you read this whole thing. you're a real one :')

happy new year!

#getting personelle #reflecting about some shit #thank u for reading or not reading just thanks for sticking around ig

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sofiatarot · 1 month ago

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How can you take care of yourself more? What's your soul needing from you right now? PAC

TIP JAR - FREE READINGS - PAID READINGS

Hii loves! I know it’s been a while since my last post, but I’ve been really busy with college stuff. I’ve missed sharing with youuu, and I truly hope you love this theme as much as I do. I felt like it was something not only I needed, but also you—the ones reading this, right?

Sometimes, life gets so busy with responsibilities and worries that we forget to check in with ourselves. So, this is just a little reminder (wrapped in lots of love!) to pause, breathe, and come back to yourself.

Take a moment to look at the photos, see which one calls to you the most. Breathe, focus, and trust your intuition—it will guide you to the message meant for you.

Sending you all so much love and light. Thank you for being here, for your presence, and for sharing this space with me. I appreciate you more than you know!🤧✨️

1//2

3//4

Group 1

I see a deep longing for connection and freedom within you. The star tells me that you are guided, that there’s hope, and that you have a bright energy that can inspire others. But with the 2 of cups and the fool together, I sense a need to embrace new relationships or allow yourself to experience love and connection more freely. There’s something about stepping into the unknown with an open heart. However, the 2 of wands reversed shows hesitation—like you're afraid to fully commit to a path. Are you holding back from making a choice that could bring you closer to what you desire?

The knight of swords and wheel of fortune indicate that change is coming, fast and unexpectedly. This shift is likely to push you in a new direction, whether you’re ready or not. The knight moves forward with intense energy, almost recklessly. Your soul is craving momentum, but I get the sense that there’s also a lesson in surrendering to fate. You can’t control everything, and resisting change might only make things harder. Trust the cycles of life.

Now, looking at how you can take better care of yourself, the ace of swords reversed suggests confusion or mental fog. Maybe you’re overthinking or struggling to find clarity. Your mind needs rest, and forcing yourself to have all the answers right now isn’t helping. Give yourself permission to slow down.

The queen of wands and temperance are beautiful reminders of balance and self-confidence. You need to nurture your inner fire, your creativity, and your self-expression while also finding peace within yourself. The queen tells me you are powerful, magnetic, and capable of so much, but temperance asks you to pace yourself. Are you pouring too much energy into one area of your life and neglecting another?

The high priestess reversed suggests a disconnection from your intuition. It’s like your inner voice is trying to tell you something, but you’re not listening—or maybe you don’t trust it. You might be distracted by outside influences or doubting your own wisdom. Your soul is asking you to reconnect, to listen, and to trust yourself more deeply.

With the king of swords reversed, I see another message about mental clarity. There could be someone in your life—maybe even yourself—who is being overly critical, cold, or detached. Be mindful of negative self-talk or allowing someone else’s harsh words to shape your reality. You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Instead of forcing logic, try to embrace your emotions and intuition.

Overall, your soul is asking for trust—trust in yourself, in the universe, and in the natural flow of life. It’s okay to take risks, to step into the unknown, and to let go of control. The path ahead might not be completely clear, but the more you listen to yourself and honor your own rhythm, the more everything will fall into place.

Breathe, allow, and believe.

Group 2

There’s a feeling of resilience in your energy. The 9 of wands tells me you’ve been through a lot, and even though you’re still standing, you might feel exhausted. You’re in a place where you know you have to keep going, but something inside you is wary, guarded. The knight of wands shows this push-and-pull energy—you want to move forward, chase something exciting, maybe even take a risk, but part of you is still on edge, bracing for another challenge.

Strength is here to remind you that you are more powerful than you think. But this isn’t about brute force—it’s about patience, inner balance, and learning how to work with your emotions rather than against them. The knight of pentacles brings a different kind of energy from the knight of wands—he’s slow, steady, methodical. This tells me that while part of you craves excitement and momentum, another part of you needs stability. Maybe your soul is asking you to find a middle ground.

The 3 of cups and 8 of cups feel like two opposing energies. There’s a longing for connection, for celebration, for being surrounded by people who uplift you. But at the same time, something feels off. The 8 of cups suggests walking away from something that no longer serves you, even if it once brought joy. Are you staying in a situation—whether friendships, work, or even a mindset—out of comfort, when deep down, you know it’s time to move on?

Now, let’s look at how you can take care of yourself better. The chariot tells me that you have a strong will, and you’re capable of overcoming anything. But with the 9 of swords, there’s a lot of anxiety beneath the surface. You might be pushing forward so forcefully that you’re ignoring what’s weighing on you emotionally. Are you running towards something, or running away? Your soul is asking you to pause and acknowledge what’s keeping you up at night.

The queen of pentacles reversed suggests that you might be neglecting your own needs, whether physically, emotionally, or even financially. There’s a lack of grounding here—maybe you’ve been giving too much to others, or maybe you’ve been focusing on external validation rather than taking care of yourself. Your body and mind need nourishment.

Again, the high priestess reversed shows up, just like in group 1, which tells me that you might not be listening to your intuition. There’s inner wisdom trying to reach you, but distractions, doubts, or external influences are clouding your judgment. The moon reversed reinforces this—it’s about illusions being lifted, truth coming to the surface, but also the fear of seeing things as they really are. What are you avoiding?

Your soul is asking for clarity, for stillness, for a moment to breathe and truly listen. You don’t have to have all the answers right now, but you do need to stop ignoring what your inner self is trying to tell you. There’s something you need to release—whether it’s fear, self-doubt, or even a situation that’s no longer aligned with you.

The road ahead is yours to take, but before you rush forward, take a moment to check in with yourself. You are stronger than you think, but strength also means knowing when to rest, when to trust, and when to let go.

Group 3

Your reading feels intense, like you’re in the middle of a major transformation. The moon shows confusion, uncertainty—maybe even illusions that are keeping you from seeing things clearly. There’s something hidden beneath the surface, something that hasn’t fully revealed itself yet. And with the 3 of pentacles reversed, I get the sense that there’s a struggle in teamwork or collaboration. Are you feeling unsupported? Or maybe you’re doubting whether the people around you are truly aligned with your path?

Then, we have death, which tells me that a chapter in your life is closing. This isn’t something to fear—this is necessary. Something needs to be released so that you can step into a new version of yourself. But temperance comes right after, reminding you that this change isn’t about rushing into something new. Your soul is asking for patience, balance, and trust in divine timing. Whatever is shifting right now is meant to bring you into alignment.

And then we have judgment and justice—two powerful cards that speak about truth, awakening, and karmic balance. Judgment is that moment of realization, where you can no longer ignore what you’ve known deep down all along. Justice ensures that things will work out fairly, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. The energy here feels big, like you’re at a crossroads where you have to make a decision that will impact your future in a meaningful way.

Now, let’s look at how you can take care of yourself better. The page of wands reversed suggests a blockage in your creative energy or your motivation. Maybe you’ve been feeling stuck, unsure of which direction to take, or even losing excitement for something you once loved. The 2 of wands tells me you’re looking at your options, but with hesitation. It’s like you’re standing at the edge of a decision but afraid to fully commit.

The 3 of swords and 5 of pentacles show pain, loss, and a feeling of being left out in the cold. There’s emotional or even financial hardship here—something that has wounded you deeply. Your heart is healing from something, and it’s important to acknowledge that pain rather than push it away. But then, the 10 of pentacles appears, reminding you that stability and abundance are possible. It’s like a message that even though you’re in a difficult phase, there’s a long-term vision waiting for you. Your soul wants you to remember that what you’re going through now is temporary—it’s leading you to something solid and lasting.

The queen of cups reversed is asking you to check in with yourself emotionally. Have you been ignoring your feelings? Have you been giving too much to others without taking care of yourself? This is a call to nurture your inner world, to reconnect with your emotions in a way that feels safe and healing.

Right now, your soul is craving honesty, clarity, and a willingness to embrace change. The transformation you’re experiencing is not easy, but it’s necessary. You are being guided toward something better, something more aligned with who you truly are. Trust yourself, allow the process to unfold, and remember that on the other side of this transition, there is a new beginning waiting for you.

Group 4

There’s a strong sense of exhaustion in your reading. The 9 of wands reversed shows that you’ve been fighting for something for a long time, but now, it feels like you’re at your limit. Maybe you’re questioning if it’s even worth it anymore. The 9 of swords reversed tells me that anxiety, stress, or sleepless nights have been weighing you down. It seems like you’ve been trying to move forward, but with the 6 of swords reversed, something is holding you back. Are you clinging to a situation that is no longer serving you?

The king of swords reversed suggests a lack of clarity or even dealing with someone who is manipulative, cold, or controlling. But then, the king of cups appears, bringing emotional wisdom and stability. These two energies feel like a battle between logic and emotion—are you overthinking when you should be trusting your heart? Or are you letting emotions cloud your judgment when you need to be more rational?

The hierophant tells me that structure, tradition, or spiritual guidance is important right now. Maybe you need to seek wisdom from someone you trust—a mentor, a teacher, or even your own inner faith. With the 2 of swords reversed, a decision is being made, whether you feel ready for it or not. And then, temperance appears, reminding you to be patient with yourself. Balance is key. You don’t have to have all the answers right now, but you do need to find harmony within.

Now, looking at how you can take better care of yourself, the 3 of pentacles reversed suggests struggles with collaboration or teamwork. You might feel like you're doing everything alone or that the people around you aren’t truly supporting you. The 8 of swords reinforces this feeling—you may feel trapped, like there’s no way out. But this card is a reminder that most of these limitations exist in your mind. What if you’re freer than you think?

The 10 of wands reversed shows a need to release burdens. You’ve been carrying too much for too long, and it’s time to let go. You don’t have to handle everything by yourself. The queen of swords tells me that deep down, you already know what you need to do. She is clear, sharp, and decisive. Your soul is asking you to step into that energy—to set boundaries, to cut through confusion, and to choose yourself.

The 10 of pentacles is a beautiful sign that stability, security, and long-term fulfillment are possible. Even if things feel chaotic right now, your path is leading toward something solid. And with the emperor at the bottom of the deck, I see a reminder that structure and discipline will help you regain control. You are meant to step into your power, to take charge of your life, and to build something lasting.

Right now, your soul needs you to stop carrying what isn’t yours, to trust yourself more, and to find a balance between logic and emotion. You are stronger than you realize, and everything that feels heavy now is preparing you for something much greater. Let go, realign, and step into your power.

-xoxo🫂💖

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sinsolstice · 6 months ago

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★ 彡 STRESS RELIEVER. ✧ MIGUEL O'HARA

oneshot ❥ you're struggling to keep your focus with the stress and miguel offers to ease that worry off you.

❥ tropes: modern + college au. afab reader + playboy miguel. ❥ content warning: explicit content (18+), finger f*cking, dirty talk. minors do not interact. ❥ extras: divider creds: cafekitsune. ❥ wc: 3,573

a/n. this is long overdue for someone who requested miguel to finger fuck reader as a stress relief. i aged reader and miguel to between 22-23 in this oneshot since they're college students. this fic is longer than intended but hey, we like to take it slow burn here.

Sometimes you contemplate why you put yourself in this kind of situation.

You were aware that you have exams coming up in the next few weeks. But you were focused on making sure that you got your assignments done before the deadline. So it was natural for you to prioritise those. You wish you had paid more attention to the dates because just when you thought that you would have more time to revise, you didn’t. Leaving you with only three weeks until your exam. And now you’re struggling to get information into your head.

“Fuck,” you mumble. The machine makes a soft drilling noise as it pours coffee into your mug. You rub your forehead with your hand as you wait for your drink to finish. Thinking about what topics you need to revise for the exam. Mentally planning how you would organise and plan yourself for another long session of studying. It’s going to be another long night.

When your drink is ready, you stride your way to the dining table where all your notes and books are set. With not enough desk space you have in your room, the dining table has turned into your second desk to accommodate all the reading materials and your laptop to work on. You strap yourself in your seat, ready for another torturous session of studying for the finals.

All the caffeine from the coffee, tea and sugary energy drinks didn’t last long in your system. At first, you feel the buzz of the caffeine that helps you go through two hours of reading and answering mock questions without a proper break. You feel yourself pushing through, feeling motivated that you can do this. But then, the effects wear off, and now you’re struggling through short video clips on your laptop after two hours into your study session.

Your mind battles. Reminding you about the consequences of you losing more time. But you can’t be bothered at the moment. You are convincing yourself that you deserve a break from studying for fifteen minutes which turned into a two-hour rest and procrastination.

At this rate, you know that you won't get any studying done. You’re going to have to face the consequences of that but you can’t be bothered about it for now. Staring mindlessly at your laptop with headphones on as you watch a reality television adaption to pass the time.

“Dios, you’re still here this late?”

Your eyes look up from your laptop to find your roommate in the dining area. Miguel stands at the entrance in his black leather jacket, red shirt underneath and dark-coloured jeans. His black helmet rests on his left lip and it looks like he’s returned from wherever he went or did. You didn’t realise that he wasn’t in the house you both shared all this time. “When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror? You look shit.”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” You say. Your relationship with Miguel O’Hara is rather tricky, to say the least. Sometimes, the two of you get along and have a decent conversation with each other about careers, and personal experiences and share similar interests. Though other times, it’s not necessary. It’s mostly when he would bring people over to the house and then take one girl up to his room. Having to hear moans from the girls he fucked and Miguel’s growls and dirty talks.

It annoys you to no end, especially the one incident when you walked into the bathroom with him getting a blow job in the shower. It’s still his fault for not locking the bathroom or even putting a sign on the door to say that he’s busy getting pleased.

Even after that, your subtle attraction for Miguel still resonates with you.

You realise your mug is empty, another drink that is supposed to keep you going has gone to waste in your system. You can’t be bothered but you know that you’ve wasted time not studying when you’re supposed to. So, you get up from your seat, walk into the kitchen and do the same routine that you’ve done the past few weeks when you’re cramming for finals. Either make your coffee, or tea or grab an energy drink. The caffeine from the coffee is too much for you to handle at the moment and tea isn’t strong enough for you. So you settle for an energy drink where it’s in between enough caffeine to maybe help you go through for another three hours for now.

“Are you thinking of studying again?” Miguel sounds a bit disbelieving, but not surprised. He’s now in the kitchen with you as you take your energy drink of choice for the night—or early morning. You don’t want to look at the time “There’s no point. You’re not going to remember anything at this rate.”

“Can we just… not do this?” You warn, holding your hand up as a sign for him to stop talking. Stop creating conversations that would lead to an argument because you know it would happen. Especially with your emotions all over the place.

Miguel stares at you, his eyes roaming up and down. Not long after, his lips curl into a smirk. Leaning his side against the frame of the long, rectangular entrance arch. “You’re stressed out. Miss Perfect finally breaks down for finals.”

A tired sigh escapes out of your mouth. You focus to proceed on opening up the can, hearing its fizziness before pouring it into your mug. “You could say that.”

The kitchen falls into silence. What he says is certainly true and you feel that you brought this on yourself. You were off-tracked with your assignments and didn’t check the right exam dates. It’s an error on your part but you are trying to do your best to make it through another year of college without failing. At this point, you’re willing to accept a passing grade just to make it to another year.

“I’ll study and keep you company,” Miguel declares. “Only to make sure you stay focused and get on track. No more messing around. Got that?”

You blink, unprepared for his words. You’re not sure why he’s doing this to you but what he said made a rush of warmth fill your chest. Despite his words, you guess that he thinks it’s better to have someone to study with rather than doing it alone. But you don’t ask Miguel if that’s his intention, in case he decides to rethink his offer.

“Thank you.”

Miguel unfolds his arms and lets it drop to his sides. His hands are in his pockets as he’s about to leave, but then he looks over his shoulder to you. “And also; nadie bebe su bebida energética de una taza.” He says before disappearing elsewhere.

You blink and look down at the mug in your hand, guessing that Miguel is talking about how energy drinks are meant to drink from their can, and not from a mug.

* * * * *

You did manage to push yourself for another two hours before you came crashing again.

“I can’t focus on anything else right now. My mind has gone blank.” You sigh, slumping on your seat. That’s another study session that failed.

“Hm,” Miguel responds. Focusing on his study materials. “I think you’ve studied too much. That’s why you’re burned out.”

There is some truth to his words. You have been pushing yourself to the bone for this exam and now your mind is haywired. Everything feels numbing in your head. The feelings of exhaustion, guilt and unbotheredness are jumbled in you.

“I’m just really stressed out. I want to do well on this exam but my brain just… can’t grasp anything that I’ve studied.” You say, sounding a little disheartened. “I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate.”

Miguel couldn’t help but glance at you. Taking in the way you’re slumped in your seat and how hollow your eyes are, filled with fatigue and emptiness. You look stressed out. He wonders when was the last time you had rest – a proper break. Not the stupid Pomodoro breaks where you take five to ten minutes of break time before getting back to studying.

He wonders when was the last time you had taken care of yourself?

Miguel turns his attention to you when he hears you close one of your heavy books. You let out a sigh, “I can’t even relax without being so much on edge. Fuck.”

He thinks you’re right as he sees the way your body tenses in stress and anxiety. Miguel’s expression stays unfazed though he does feel sympathy seeing you in such a state. “Hey, you should get some rest. Go to bed early or something.”

“I will after I attempt to get this lesson done. Then, I’ll go to bed.”

Miguel gives you a solemn look. Your determination is one of the things he admires about you. Your willingness to do whatever it takes to get your points across. It made you endearing in his eyes. But at the moment, it’s making you look stubborn and somewhat prideful. The last thing you need is a bad experience of burnout before your exam, and he knows that you know this as well deep down.

“Let me help you to relax,”

“Huh?” You shoot him a confused look. As if he’s said something unusual to you. “Help me… relax? How do you plan on doing that?”

Miguel nods, “You are tensed up and you’re not getting anything remembered in your head. Your mind can’t focus.”

You raise a brow at him, unsure where your roommate is coming from. Miguel is right, you do need to take a proper break since your productivity is rather counterproductive. But his words still puzzle you about how he can help you relax. “And how do you plan on doing that, exactly?” You ask curiously. “What do you do to relax when you’re stressed out?”

“You know, go to the gym. Take a walk, drive around.” Miguel says it casually. “Sometimes masturbating helps to wire your brain to relax.”

You stare at your roommate before burying your face in your hands with a groan. Not only is the suggestion embarrassing but you have to imagine Miguel playing with himself. How his hands would stroke his cock, hot and pulsing in the palm of his hands. Envisioning the grunted breaths and deep groans he makes. It isn’t as if you haven’t done that to yourself either, pleasuring yourself. You’ve done that on the nights where you could hear the headboard of his bed from his room moving as the girl Miguel brought for the night kept moaning.

You shake your head, dismissing the thoughts immediately. Or try to. “I’m not in the right mindset to do that.”

Miguel raises an eyebrow. “I’m not saying you should do it. I’m offering to do it. It’s on the table for you.”

“What?” You stare at him in shock and confusion. You think you heard him wrong but from the unfazed look on his face, you know that he is serious about this. Serious about giving you an orgasm, or maybe multiple orgasms. Because you know from the women and girls he brings over to fuck, Miguel has them moaning more than three times.

When you open up your mouth, you can hear yourself stammering your words. The thought of it is disgusting but at the same time, arouses you. “Miguel, I–”

“Do you trust me?” He asks, his red eyes piercing into yours. Captivating you to stop talking. To stop denying the offer of pleasure. You give Miguel a look of uncertainty, unsure how to respond to his offer.

“What’s it gonna be?” Miguel asks. The corner of his mouth curves up to a tiny smirk. “No pressure, chica. I want you to think about it and let me know if you’re up for it or not.”

Miguel goes back to reading his study notes with a neutral expression as if the conversation didn’t happen. He doesn’t look at you and the silence in the room speaks volumes. Leaving you to think about the offer. You’re not sure why he is even offering himself to give you pleasure. Miguel is your friend, for goodness sake. The guy is out of your league and he has been with other people, you know this. Is he doing this out of pity or could there be more to it?

The two of you have lived together for three years of schooling, and have known each other for that long. He doesn’t give you attention in a lustful way or lustful like he does with other girls; the kind of interest in starting a sexual relationship with you. It’s a blessing in disguise yet at the same time, you want a connection more than just being his friend.

You have a crush on Miguel but he doesn’t seem the type of guy who isn’t ready to commit to one person just yet. Especially when you’re both still young and exploring life ahead.

“Okay,” you closed your book with a thud. You catch his eyes when you fully turn to talk to him. This idea is already as insane as it is, but you’re desperate to stop feeling like a lost cause about your exam. You just want to forget about your test for a few minutes. Maybe a couple of hours at most. “I’ll take up on your offer. What I’ve been doing is not working, and I need some sort of break before I go insane.”

Miguel grins and then puts his reading materials away. You always think that he looks so handsome when he smiles. “Well then. Move your books and laptop aside and sit on the table for me.” Miguel looks at you when you stare at him. “It will be a lot nicer like that, trust me.” He adds.

“Okay, I’ll get my stuff out of the way.” You say and begin picking up your books and laptop. Miguel does the same, putting his things away, then turns his attention to look at you.

You’re sitting on the edge of the table, waiting for his next words. The beating of your heart thumping is the only thing you can hear as you watch Miguel. He stands in front of you in between your thighs. Tall, built and handsome. His red eyes look down on you as they shine under the lights in the dining area.

You feel his hands on the sides of your waistband shorts, his fingers brushing against your clothed skin and hips. “May I?” Miguel asks as he looks at you.

“Sure,” you say. You’re not one to be nervous around easily but your roommate seems to have that effect on you. When you lift your hips slightly, Miguel curls his fingers on the waistband and pulls down your shorts. Discarding your clothed item you notice that he’s taken off your panties too. “Miguel–”

His stare made you pause, his red piercing eyes keep you quiet. You’ve always known what Miguel’s eyes are like but in this moment of what you’re letting him do to you, it stirs feelings in you. The gaze in his eyes is fiery in desire; so focused and enraptured. He looks at you in silence – keeping his eyes on you – as he slowly pulls down everything and discards it somewhere in the room.

“Open your legs a little for me, pretty,” Miguel tells you. “Yes, that’s it.”

The heat on your cheeks burns you as your heart thumps in your chest at how intimate and vulnerable the situation looks. Never in your dreams you would be in this situation, much less doing it with Miguel O’Hara.

“It’s not too late to change your mind and tell me no.” He says. Standing between your legs, his calloused fingers on your inner right thigh. “I won’t hate you for it.”

Your breathing is soft and steady. “Shouldn’t you have asked me that before you took my panties off?” You chuckled with a small smile. You feel a little more relaxed about what you and he are starting.

Miguel grins, “I probably should have.” His expression becomes serious. “I’ll start slow.”

You watch as he puts two fingers in his mouth with a gentle suck. When he pulls them out, his digits are glistened wet under the lights. Lubricated and wet against his tan skin. Miguel catches you dazing at him, his intense expression stays on you, as he brings his fingers between your thighs. They find themselves between your flaps, tracing your inner folds with his fingertips.

“You’re already wet before I touch you.” Miguel hums in approval. “That’s good.”

His fingers move slowly like he promised. You feel him gather your sleek arousal with a gentle swipe of his thumb and move up to the hood of your cunt. You moan softly when you feel Miguel play with your clit, circling and putting just the right pressure that has you tingling in sensation. Your hands grip on the edge of the table as you brace yourself.

“Gosh, that feels nice.” You sigh. Your eyes are closed, indulging in the pleasure, finding your body relaxed and mind in tranquillity. Focusing on feeling his fingers touch and tease your folds and clit. Maybe this is what you truly need for a break from intense studying.

“I like the look on your face,” Miguel tells you. You can picture the smirk from the tone of his voice. “This is just the beginning of your stress relief.”

You didn’t get to open your eyes and ask him what he meant when you felt something push inside your cunt. Your walls are wet and warm, feeling one of Miguel’s digits sliding into your pussy with ease. It has you gasping and moaning softly, your back arches and hands gripping tightly onto the table edge. Miguel has his index finger in you and he slips in his middle finger, stretching your pussy open. His thumb is still circling your clit as his fingers thrust in and out of you.

“Stay still, bonita.” His voice deeps, almost growling. “And don’t think. Just focus on the feeling of my fingers. Relax for me.”

You can’t help but tighten around his fingers from the command. Hoping that he didn’t feel the way your clit throbs from his command. You never heard him speak like that before – maybe not to you – but it sounds hot. All you could focus on is the way his fingers rub and massage your pussy.

You can tell that Miguel is certainly experienced with the way he can tease your vulva and play with your clit, letting your breathless sighs and moans guide him. It’s completely easy to forget about anything else but being finger fuck by the guy you liked.

“Oh, oh.” You softly moan, putting the heels of your feet on the edge of the table. Your hands clutch onto his forearms as Miguel fingers you. It has your head spinning with the way he alternates between fingering and rubbing your slick folds. The pace is not fast or slow-- just perfect, as it eases you off and you forget about what you're stressed about in the first place.

And when he pushes his fingers into your pussy, it has you tilting your head back in ecstasy, moaning his name, as you feel him going deeper.

"So tight around my fingers. You definitely need this." Miguel smirks, his breath warms your neck. “Need a good stretch, don’t you, bonita?”

You groan as you feel him continuously plunge his digits in and out of you. Miguel doesn’t stick to one way to pleasure you; he would rub your wet folds, flicker your clit up and down and sideways with his thumb, and circle your little pearl. At the corner of your eye, you see the corner of his mouth curve up in a smirk when clutching onto his forearms for dear life.

“Miguel,” you mewl. The knot in your lower belly tightens when he plunges his whole fingers into your slick pussy, thrusting them in and out. Your body moves in a sudden, forward thrust when Miguel continues to come hither inside your pussy, having his fingers rubbing your G-spot. He doesn’t stop to flicker and circle your throbbing clit and a sultry gasp catches in your throat as your thighs begin to quiver. “Oh, fuck!”

“That’s it, beautiful. Oh, you really do need this, don’t you?” Miguel asks almost mockingly. You arch your back in his embrace and let out another moan, feeling his two fingers flicking inside your pussy walls. He knows exactly what he’s doing, drawing out more noises from you as your lower body still trembles, and your cum spilling out of your folds and onto his fingers.

It feels as if Miguel is toying with you and pussy for a long time, even after being overstimulated and sensitive. He slows down his ministrant but still has his fingers gently rubbing circles on your clit and wet folds. You relax in his arm, head on his shoulder as you regain your senses from orgasm. All thoughts cleared up in your head and you couldn’t even remember what you were thinking or doing earlier before being finger-fucked.

Miguel’s voice sounds a little raspy and distinct, still toying with your cunt, as he whispers: “Wanna continue this elsewhere?”

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara x y/n #the miguel effect #miguel spiderverse #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara smut #spiderman 2099 x reader #spiderman 2099 x you

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ailelie · 2 months ago

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Installing Linux (Mint) as a Non-Techy Person

I've wanted Linux for various reasons since college. I tried it once when I no longer had to worry about having specific programs for school, but it did not go well. It was a dedicated PC that was, I believe, poorly made. Anyway.

In the process of deGoogling and deWindows365'ing, I started to think about Linux again. Here is my experience.

Pre-Work: Take Stock

List out the programs you use regularly and those you need. Look up whether or not they work on Linux. For those that don't, look up alternatives.

If the alternative works on Windows/Mac, try it out first.

Make sure you have your files backed up somewhere.

Also, pick up a 5GB minimum USB drive.

Oh and make a system restore point (look it up in your Start menu) and back-up your files.

Step One: Choose a Distro

Dear god do Linux people like to talk about distros. Basically, from what all I've read, if you don't want to fuss a lot with your OS, you've got two options: Ubuntu and Linux Mint. Ubuntu is better known and run by a company called Canonical. Linux Mint is run by a small team and paid for via donations.

I chose Linux Mint. Some of the stuff I read about Ubuntu reminded me too much of my reasons for wanting to leave Windows, basically. Did I second-guess this a half-dozen times? Yes, yes I did.

The rest of this is true for Linux Mint Cinnamon only.

Step Two: Make your Flash Drive

Linux Mint has great instructions. For the most part they work.

Start here:

The trickiest part of creating the flash drive is verifying and authenticating it.

On the same page that you download the Linux .iso file there are two links. Right click+save as both of those files to your computer. I saved them and the .iso file all to my Downloads folder.

Then, once you get to the 'Verify your ISO image' page in their guide and you're on Windows like me, skip down to this link about verifying on Windows.

Once it is verified, you can go back to the Linux Mint guide. They'll direct you to download Etchr and use that to create your flash drive.

If this step is too tricky, then please reconsider Linux. Subsequent steps are both easier and trickier.

Step Three: Restart from your Flash Drive

This is the step where I nearly gave up. The guide is still great, except it doesn't mention certain security features that make installing Linux Mint impossible without extra steps.

(1) Look up your Bitlocker recovery key and have it handy.

I don't know if you'll need it like I did (I did not turn off Bitlocker at first), but better to be safe.

(2) Turn off Bitlocker.

(3) Restart. When on the title screen, press your Bios key. There might be more than one. On a Lenovo, pressing F1 several times gets you to the relevant menu. This is not the menu you'll need to install, though. Turn off "Secure Boot."

(4) Restart. This time press F12 (on a Lenovo). The HDD option, iirc, is your USB. Look it up on your phone to be sure.

Now you can return to the Linux Mint instructions.

Figuring this out via trial-and-error was not fun.

Step Four: Install Mint

Just follow the prompts. I chose to do the dual boot.

You will have to click through some scary messages about irrevocable changes. This is your last chance to change your mind.

I chose the dual boot because I may not have anticipated everything I'll need from Windows. My goal is to work primarily in Linux. Then, in a few months, if it is working, I'll look up the steps for making my machine Linux only.

Some Notes on Linux Mint

Some of the minor things I looked up ahead of time and other miscellany:

(1) HP Printers supposedly play nice with Linux. I have not tested this yet.

(2) Linux Mint can easily access your Windows files. I've read that this does not go both ways. I've not tested it yet.

(3) You can move the taskbar (panel in LM) to the left side of your screen.

(4) You are going to have to download your key programs again.

(5) The LM software manager has most programs, but not all. Some you'll have to download from websites. Follow instructions. If a file leads to a scary wall of strange text, close it and just do the Terminal instructions instead.

(6) The software manager also has fonts. I was able to get Fanwood (my favorite serif) and JetBrains (my favorite mono) easily.

In the end, be prepared for something to go wrong. Just trust that you are not the first person to ever experience the issue and look it up. If that doesn't help, you can always ask. The forums and reddit community both look active.

#linux mint #linux #deWindows #de365 #deGoogle

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tcrocky14 · 4 months ago

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ONESHOT: MERRILY ALONG—tennis! star x Paige

((Okay I’ve been writing on Wattpad and never thought to put my work on tumblr so here we go! Plz be gentle I’m still new at this but I love manifesting life with P))

———————————————————————————-

After the 2024 WTA Finals(which you won) you were excited for a real break. Grant you it's less than a month, and most of that will be spent doing sponsorship work and photo shoots, but you still couldn't wait.

After winning the Finals, you hopped on a plane to Miami still wearing your photo shoot dress from winner's photos. You were so excited to be sleeping on your own bed and to see your family. Life could slow down at least a little before you were back on Tour.

You were given two weeks to truly rest and exercise like a normal person before training would start back. You planned to visit Paige, but her season at UCONN was really just beginning. The timing couldn't have been worse but you knew she felt most comfortable on the court, just like you.

Since college basketball was firing up, her name was beginning to really skyrocket in the press. And her partnerships were increasing too. With you as the highest paid athlete in women's sports and P as the highest paid CWBB player, you were unstoppable!

Her shoe with Nike just dropped and you genuinely cried the day every player for UCONN wore them at their game! You wish you could wear them for a day for support but New Balance is your shoe home. It's so surreal that P has a shoe while in college but you believe she's always meant to break records and set trends. You're just happy the world mainly agrees with you on that.

On December 21st, UCONN & USC play each other, at arguably the biggest game of the year. You knew you wanted to be there because everyone's eyes would be on Paige and JuJu, which could get stressful. Maybe having you there as moral support would make it a bit better . She's born for the world stage, but that doesn't mean you don't worry about her mental health.

You promised your team that you'd be back in Miami right after Christmas. They wanted you to play United Cup, especially since you didn't plan on defending the ASB Classic title , but you were prioritizing your relationship....for once.

This is Paige's (likely) last year in college and you want to be there for her. There's so many moments you both have to miss because of your athletic careers, and it's easy to feel disconnected when you're constantly in different time zones. Once she's in the WNBA, it'll hopefully be more flexible and you'll spend more time together.

But for now, you weren't going to miss big moments for a WTA250 or United Cup. Your team wasn't the happiest about your plans, and tried convincing you to change your mind. But it was already set: you'd fly to Storrs, CT that day and watch Paige. Then you'd both fly out to Minnesota to see her family for Christmas. Her next game is the 27th so you'll fly back to Miami while she goes back to school. Even a few days together has you anxious to remind her exactly why being long distance is worth it.

You haven't told her, but you've picked out the perfect presents for her dad, stepmom, and Drew. You've also found something for your perfect gf. Drew has a game of his own the very day after her game, so you guys will be jet-lagged but supporting him. You've met Paige's family a few times now but you still feel jittery before arriving. You don't know why because they're the nicest people, yet you always want to show you're a great girlfriend with good energy.

——————-

You were still in Miami trying to pick out what you could wear to the game Saturday. It was Thursday night so you needed to start packing, especially since you wanted to pack light. Living life basically out of a suitcase made packing during the offseason a disgusting experience. The less you had to travel the better, yet it seemed you were never home for more than a few days. The life of a "celebrity" was taxing and companies knew offseason was a better time for your brand dealings. You wished you could do photo shoots from home but you try to remember how many people would KILL to be in your position.

For the game, you're thinking of a look you saw Bella Hadid wear a few years back. A green NorthFace jacket with black barrel jeans and black loafers. You'll definitely be wearing your glasses to the game for an even more comfortable experience. Then, for traveling to Minnesota and for Drew's game you'll wear an oversized grey New Balance sweatshirt with sweatpants and a camo hat. Cute-comfy— your favorite!

You began folding the clothes not so neatly when your sister came in. She's back home from Tulane for the holidays and you're really going to miss her the few days you're gone. Having a younger sister is one of the best things in life and you miss when she's away for college. Although you guys text and call each other almost everyday it's different when she's in person.

"Whatcha doing??," Anna asked, using her best Isabella voice from Phineas and Ferb. "Packing for my trip and failing to fold my clothes neatly," you said. You're definitely going to need a steamer when you travel because your clothes are going to be wrinkled from this lazy folding.

"I wish I could come with you!" Anna said. And honestly, if it was just to watch the game, you'd for sure bring your sister along. But Christmas at the Bueckers' house is for their family only and you're just getting used to joining.

Most of the time, Paige visits your family because she loves the Miami weather and enjoys the area. It's difficult in Minnesota when it's cold more often than not and her family has normal jobs .

The Heller family feels like it orbits your tennis career, something you wish wasn't true but definitely is. Tennis is so demanding, even compared to other sports, and your family has sacrificed a lot for you to continue being a top player. Basketball is difficult and can be expensive, but college helps ease the journey a lot. While Paige is at UCONN her family still maintains a normal life. While for you, the matches and your traveling schedule can affect everything.

That's why this Christmas is so special. You have a few days to hang out casually before the holiday and really soak it what being a Bueckers is like. You'd never tell anyone right now, but you're hoping this is practice for the rest of your life. Although it's only been a year, you picture growing with Paige and starting a family of your own. You look at people like Stewie and can't help but hope to have a little family of your own someday. Being in good cahoots with her family right now is important and luckily, it's been great so far

—————————

Friday passes quickly, thank God, because you leave for CT Saturday morning. The plane ride is a bit bumpy but it's the cold that stings the most. As soon as you step off the plane you're hit with the bite of a Connecticut winter. It felt weird boarding the plane in multiple layers but you're so happy you didn't dress Miami-Style for this trip.

Since it's the day of the game, Paige has practice most of the day. That means her good friend Kayla volunteers to pick you up, and you're very excited. As a fellow Black girl, you and Kayla get along too good. Each conversation leads to cackling and you even have a few inside jokes together. As much as KK and Ice are your girls, Kayla's super cool people. AND she's not on the team, so she can help with times like this!

You wait for your luggage and a teenager comes up asking for a picture. She seems shell-shocked from meeting you, something you never get used to. You're almost positive the picture will be on "Frances Heller" and "Paige Bueckers" fan accounts in the next hour. People will surely speculate but this is a big game, and who can blame you for wanting to see it in person?

You spot Kayla, or rather hear her music, right when you step outside the airport gate. She gets out to help with your luggage but you've only brought two carry-ons: your Glossier duffle and a New Balance black backpack. Like you said: packing light was key for this trip.

You guys catch up on all things life before pulling into the apartment complex Kayla and the girls live in. You go to text Paige you've made it but you see she's already texted that she's in practice, but can't wait to see you.

"She was obsessing over your location on the Find app," Kayla says. "She literally was refreshing it every second before they had practice even though SHE KNEW you were on the plane and undetectable."

Just hearing Paige's name makes your heart beat faster. It's corny, you know it is, but imagine being so in love with someone and NEVER getting to see them. You can literally count on your hands how often you and Paige see each other throughout the year and that's with big compromises in both schedules.

You go up to Kayla's apartment and patiently (very impatiently) wait for bball practice to be over. Since it's game day, there's one short-ish practice during the day and then real practice before game time. You mimic Paige and begin refreshing all the apps you guys communicate through: text, Snapchat, Find, anything to see whether she's out.

Eventually, her DND status on text goes away and Kayla has to watch you become an absolute fool as you wait for your girlfriend. Paige gets back and knocks on Kayla's door which you open with every cell in your body.

"FRANNY!" "SWEET P!" You two collide into one another with the same energy. The hug says: "I miss you, I love you, how are you?, all at once. It's like every event and moment that's been missed since the last time you've seen another culminated into a tight hug that lasts forever.

"I miss you so so so much Paige," you say, trying not to cry. You're not necessarily sad, just overwhelmed and relieved . You can feel in her hug that she must feel the same, and any insecurities from a long-distance relationship go away like a puff of smoke.

You go back to their apartment while Paige makes a quick snack. Once she's finished eating. She lets you know she misses you in another way. Thank goodness you can't detect blushing on your skin tone because you feel like you're about to burst into flames.

It's been SO LONG since you've been intimate with anything besides a silicone toy and you miss Paige's body. After her shower at the facilities, her hair is still wet and slightly curly. It's one of your favorite looks on her and doesn't help your desire to absolutely devour her.

She tries to casually insinuate your unexpected trip to the car but everyone knows what's going on. You'd rather have sweet moments in her bed, but it'd be unfair to her teammates/roommates. And you can't kick everyone out of the apartment either, totally not cool. So instead you head out to Paige's Grand Cherokee at an excited pace and allow her to drive you to the back of the parking lot.

It's still romantic with the snow falling and your tight space to work with. She turns on the warmers in the SUV and asks you to head to the backseats. Her playlist designed for these *moments* begins playing softly and you savor every minute in the backseat of her car....

———————-

Once you guys finished (no pun intended) you head (maybe a bit puny) back upstairs. You try taming your hair and fixing your swollen lips as best you can. But let's face it, the women in this apartment are going to absolutely clown you both.

"Oh y'all back? It's been almost an hour! Where'd you say y'all was going again??" Kk, per usual, is the first person to say something. Everyone else smirks to one another and Jana even films to put on her private SC later.

"We was busy." That's all Paige says as she blushes, smirks, and daps up Ice and KK. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as she exemplifies pure fukboy energy. You so badly want to hate it but it's kinda hot...which she definitely knows because she continues smirking in your direction. You sit next to her and try to redirect the conversation to ANYTHING else but it takes a minute.

They're superstitious about talking about the game so it's talk about your stuff instead. You tell them your plans with Paige for the next few days and how preseason warmups are coming along. Before you know it, everyone's getting up because it's time for pregame. You give Paige a million kisses as she gets ready to leave and then wait around until it's time to get dressed and leave.

—————-

You're not sure Paige would love your mode of transportation to the game but what else could you decide? Uber's are booked the entire way and the school shuttles are only for actual students. If you didn't have to show a school ID you would've hopped on or hoped a driver was being super nice but few have even passed. So instead, you're walking to the XL arena.

It's really not that far, so you don't mind the walk. Except for the fact that it's FREEZING. You can feel the inevitable sickness building in your body as you continue walking but that's what you do for love. You'd laugh at how ridiculous you feel, if you could feel your face.

Finally you get to the game and it's beyond packed. You knew it was a big game and sold out but it's bonkers trying to get inside. Even with a special pass you have to wait to get inside, letting the frost continue to harass you.

Once you make it inside you see a few girls get out their phones to video your entrance. It's weird, because you feel slightly conceded about it. But you also feel violated. And you never feel quite important enough to be taped walking into a gym. Yet here you are, and there's the phones capturing every moment.

You're not sitting courtside since that's reserved for paying members. Instead, you're a few rows up. Nothing crazy, but not on the ground. You realize how awkward you feel without somebody tagging along and wish you maybe would've brought your sister. Or even your twin Jack. But what would they do while you loved up on Paige all day?

So instead you got on your phone and waited for the starting lineup presentation. You filmed the whole thing and couldn't even hear the announcer say Paige's name because of the screams. It made you feel so special being Paige's girl when plenty of college girls, and adult women, fought for her attention. From shirts and fathead signs to homemade posters, it was obvious she grabbed people's attention.

From the moment the game began, UCONN had a difficult time. You didn't know why, but something just wasn't clicking that clearly worked better for USC. You really like JuJu Watkins and had a hard time rooting exclusively for UCONN, but your girl comes first.

After fighting tooth and nail they finally started coming back. With 8 seconds left, the game was only being won by two points . You knew how badly Paige wanted to win, with the country watching....if not the world. But sometimes, it's not just about who wants it. Being a super-senior meant Paige had some great highs and some lower-lows. This, would in fact, become a low.

—————

It was obvious how frustrated P was with herself. She was SO hard on herself, as most athletes are. But as the oldest on the team, she really felt like she was letting everyone down. You could see it in her demeanor and how she spoke to press. You only hoped she'd be able to see all the positives from the game and release herself from the pressure of it all. It's much easier than it looks though, you know from experience.

After speaking to Fox sports and Holly Rowe, Paige was making her way over to you. A literal LINE OF PEOPLE had formed while she was being interviewed who wanted to take pictures and get her autograph. You knew she wouldn't leave till everyone was satisfied, something you admired about her. Each person felt important in her eyes and she made sure to let them know. How lucky you were to be with someone so humble and kind to anyone.

She told the crowd to wait one sec as she walked over to your section. Now you really knew people would film this and talk about it for a while. But honestly , who cares. You were shocked she even saw you in the section because of how intense the game had been.

The security guard removed the tape so Paige could slip by and give you a big hug. You whispered in her ear that she was so amazing and you hoped she'd known how bright she shines on the court. She nodded but didn't seem affected by your words which kind of stung. You knew at least be a few hours had to pass before she was truly cheery again, right now was just a performance of her fans.

She asked you to wait around until they were leaving the arena and to join them on the team bus. You felt like this was a big overstep and didn't want to piss Geno off, especially after the loss. You made her promise it was fine and already approved before you agreed to join them on the bus.

The rest of the night was a blur until suddenly, you were laying on Paige's purple sheets with her head on your chest. You continued to stroke her head and tried falling asleep because your flight tomorrow was super early.

———————————-

At the airport, a few fans asked for pics with you and Paige. It was so funny how fans of Paige began "stanning" you like an extra piece to the Paige puzzle. At 5 in the AM you only could pray you didn't look awful in the fan photos since you knew that'd be on social media later. After taking pics you sat at the terminal and then boarded the plane. It really wasn't a bad experience, even with a connecting flight.

Paige's dad picked y'all up and you could tell she missed Minnesota. With the photoshoots and games and everything else she visited home less and less. When her dad got out of the car she turned into Baby P again, rushing to her dad's arms. It was so sweet and made you feel fuzzy that she collapsed in his hug. Maybe she was feeling better now!

Mr. Bueckers brought you into the hug and the three of you laughed as people watched. He was arguably the coolest guy in Minnesota besides Gov. Waltz. You guys left the airport and picked up Culver's on the way to Drew's game. Even with an early flight you guys were making it right on time.

Drew's game was so well and they won! Even better, Drew won MVP and got a comically large MVP chain to wear. You guys gassed him up hard and he blushed the entire time. It was cute seeing Paige loving on Drew like a child of her own. ...you really needed to stop thinking about Mommy P and focus lol.

——————-

Once Christmas rolled around, you'd gotten comfortable at the Bueckers house. The past few days had been so chill yet never boring. And you didn't feel like you were walking on eggshells around the family.

You wore an Oxford shirt with a sweater vest over it tucked into a plaid mini skirt with black tights. You looked adorable, like a Christmas present.

Y'all went to church and then headed home to unwrap presents. Drew wanted to open presents before Mass but it was way too early for that.

You got Paige's parents a gift they'd told her about a while back, a bar cart and a Baristia machine to make cocktails. Drew got a new game for his PS5 and promised to play with you whenever you were in town.

For Paige, you got her a custom stack of cards with paintings of you guys on it. She always loved sentimental gifts more than expensive ones and she really liked this! You also gave her a Tiffany necklace similar to yours with F+P engraved inside. She put it on and never took it off, even to sleep.

————

After a full day of festivities and meeting a few Bueckers you'd never met, it was time to go to bed. It was hard to fall asleep because tomorrow, you'd be on your way back to Miami and she'd be going back to UCONN. These few days were so good, you wish you could bottle them up for when you miss her most.

Right before you start falling asleep she tells you she has one more gift for you. She reaches in her bag and pulls out the most adorable stuffed bunny in a Christmas outfit. She gives you the bunny and tells you to press on her paw. When you do, Paige's voice starts to speak.

"Anytime you miss me, just press the paw, and I'll be right there!" She gives you the cutest little smile while she waits to see if you like her extra gift. "ALSO, I sprayed her clothes with some of my perfume, so hopefully she'll smell like me for a while too."

You try not to cry your eyes out at the audacity of your girlfriend to be so sweet. You never would've thought of such a unique and kind gift.

"Thank you so much Paige, I love it!" You see her relax a bit at her successful gift. "I can't believe you're real sometimes, you're too good to me!"

You don't meant to sound insecure or anything, but she shuts anything like that down. "I'm so happy we're together Franny, I'd go to the moon for you."

"Maybe even the North Pole?" You joke, since it's Christmas.

"I go to college in the middle of nowhere Connecticut Frances, that's basically the North Pole."

You two laugh and then settle into a comfortable sleeping pattern. You know tomorrow you'll have to say goodbye at least for 2-3 months. But right now, you can't think of a life without Paige Bueckers in it.

——-❤️‍🔥END❤️‍🔥——-

🎄Happy Holidays!

#paige bueckers #paigebueckersfluff #bueckers #paige bueckers x y/n #paige bueckers x reader #tennis

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awionetka · 23 days ago

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𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰! ♯

what if Love and Deepspace was a college rock band?

𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫: fluff in headcannon format. the band features all five of the boys. brief Sylus x reader.

𝐗𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐫 / 𝐙𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐞 / 𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐥 / 𝐒𝐲𝐥𝐮𝐬 / 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐛

Sylus is…

the keyboardist!

In fact, if it has any kind of keys, Sylus knows how to work it. From vintage organs to funky synthesisers, the band’s virtuoso brings in the flair and exquisite production. Sylus is also the other co-founder as well as the songwriter behind some of their biggest tunes.

Sylus is the member with the most equipment on stage. Works well under a time limit, so he’s often switching between instruments, sometimes even mid-song. A synthesiser on top of his usual keyboard is a must, although he will bring out his guitar if Rafayel sticks with his saxophone or whatever he chooses for the night.

He’s not particularly fond of being front and center, so the current line up works for him perfectly. Works with each member separately, figuring out their strengths and weaknesses and applying those during production. If anyone were to get kicked out from the band, they’d most likely hear that from Sylus (just like Caleb almost once did, back when he was so into the song he horribly overplayed, making the rest of the band pretty much inaudible).

Sylus prides himself in knowing you pretty well after frequenting your boxing club. As a partly retired "child prodigy", you gave lessons to younger people and supervised the older. Sylus was the only exception – not a teen and needed no supervision; you weren’t even entirely sure why he was here, at your gym, when he could be literally anywhere else with that steel-built stamina of his.

Although, you couldn’t exactly complain about your current situation. He paid his fees before they were even due, gave you a handmade keychain for your birthday once and even offered you rides on his motorcycle – every single week, as on cue. And even if that wouldn’t suffice, there was still the obvious; Sylus looked like he stepped out of a 90s action movie, ready to whisk you away on a never ending adventure.

What said adventure would turn out to be, you had no idea, at least not until you decided to check out a local jazz bar with your closest of friends. The room was dimly lit and drinks fairly priced, so it was safe to say all of you enjoyed yourself quite a bit. Then, one of your friends began sneaking glances at the small stage just a couple of steps behind your back. She leaned over the table, whispering something about pretty men and their hands and you laughed, turning your head around curiously. And, well… There he sat, behind a grand piano – one of your regulars, motorcyclist and potential movie star, Sylus.

It was later you learned that he was also in a rock band, which was a wildly different experience from what you witnessed in the club back then. Not like you were complaining, of course. Not in the slightest.

𝐒𝐲𝐥𝐮𝐬' 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐩𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬...

♯ for reference; how Sylus' concert set up would look like

Ever since finding out Sylus' other pastime, you're regularly invited to the band's gigs, earning yourself a vip spot on the side of the stage, right next to where his equipment is set up. It may not allow you to see the center of it all, but you don't seem to mind much in the end. Certainly not when you get to put up Sylus' hair in a tiny ponytail mid-show because it just kept bothering him.

♯ Antique Wm. Bell & Co Victorian Parlour Pump Organ

The first time you visit Sylus, you are absolutely flabbergasted to see a literal pump organ situated in his living room like it's nothing. Next to a sleek clothing rack and a vintage "The Birds" poster, it looks like something straight out of a movie set about modern vampires. He chuckles when he sees you staring it down like a cowboy at high noon, encouraging you to try it out for yourself.

♯ 1989 Gibson Les Paul Custom Alpine White

Although not because of his personal preference, Sylus does play the rhythm guitar every once in a while. The unexpected blend between him, Xavier and Zayne proves to be absolutely explosive on stage (and definitely not because Sylus can finally be seen by the audience). His Gibson allows for variety and style, just in the right amounts and adequate proportions.

𝐒𝐲𝐥𝐮𝐬' 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲

♯ easier than lying; halsey

♯ witchy woman; eagles

♯ little thing gone wild; black rebel motorcycle club

♯ 1998 (delicious); peace

♯ jazzhound; the buttertones

#love and deepspace #lads #lnds #lads sylus #lnds sylus #love and deepspace sylus #sylus #love and deepspace x reader #lads x reader #sylus x reader #archive

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dreadsuitsamus · 1 year ago

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Teacher's Night Out | Satoru Gojo x Reader |

author's note: i just imagined a silly lil night like this with him haha he honestly would be so much fun for sooooo many shenanigans

pairing: satoru gojo x fem!reader

warnings: au verse, gojo and reader are college professors, small mention of nsfw topics but nothing remotely explicit, looooootsa kissing

"Your movie is in theater five. Enjoy!" The teen attendant smiles, pointing your way to the left of the crossroad of the theaters.

Satoru grins and leads the way, practically dragging you down the hall. It takes all of your coordination skills just to stay on your feet as the overexuberance from Satoru threatens to remove your arm from its socket. "Why are you so eager?? This movie is supposed to be really bad!"

"You answered your own question." Satoru looks back at you for a wink and pretty smile, tugging you closer to his body as he urges you into the darkened theater that's already playing the previews. "You never have quite as much fun watching good movies as you do making fun of bad ones!"

Letting slip a quiet laugh, your earrings gently knock against your cheek as you shake your head at such an intention. It's not shocking, not one bit, to think Satoru would genuinely rather watch a terrible movie than any other, though roping you into it was something you foolishly didn't expect. It was meant to be an after work thing, nothing more than colleagues spending some time together outside the confines of the time clock, but with the way nobody else showed up and Satoru wasted not even a minute waiting for your other work friends, not to mention how touchy he’s being, the inkling that Satoru is up to something starts nagging a bit more.

The fact that you don't mind is awfully telling to both you and him.

Satoru quickly ushers you both to your seats, the theater so laughably empty that, even though you're a bit late, you can still get the absolute best seats in the house. He slips a few boxes of candy from his pockets, offering them up to you like cards. "Pick any! Except the Sour Patch Kids." Those long fingers swiftly pluck the box from your selection, and you laugh and take another.

"I appreciate you sneaking in candy, but I'm gonna go get a drink from-"

"I'll do it!! Keep my seat safe!" With that, Satoru is quite literally leaping across the rows of seats to the exit, and you can only stare in awe.

He's truly an idiot, and somehow the most decorated professor at the college you're both employed at. It's said by nearly every student he's had how they simultaneously regretted and did not regret taking his class. The curiosity alone makes you wish you could experience the teachings of Gojo Satoru for yourself, though knowing him on the other side of the desk is much more ideal.

It isn't long before your colleague returns, two large sodas in hand that have your brows practically rising to your hairline. “Jeez, Satoru, there's no way I could even dream of finishing this!”

“And these are the medium cups! I was this close to ordering large, just to see how much of my hand and forearm would fit.” He places his drink in the cupholder to his left as you set yours to the one on your right, the one between you left to house the little boxes of contraband he's snuck in. Satoru quickly swaps glasses, leaving the more tinted ones in their case as he opts for his regular frames, not that he plans to actually watch the movie— he's already seen this dumpster fire of a film, and it wasn't even fun to make fun of!

Your gaze flicks to the large screen, briefly wondering just how many previews for much better movies, and maybe much worse, you'll have to see before what you paid for starts to play. Satoru’s slender fingers brush your jaw, gently urging you to look back at him instead. His brilliantly bright blue eyes look at you in earnest, a little smile on his lips as he chews a gummy. “I'm glad you came to see this with me.”

“Of course, Satoru. Especially since the rest of the 'invitees' didn't show.” Your voice is dripping with suspicion, lips curving and a giggle following at the completely unabashed look on his face.

“Guess that cat's out of the bag. But come on! Can you imagine Nanami at the movie theater?! What a bore!”

Another laugh bubbles up despite your best efforts to stay somewhat hushed up. There are a few strays here, after all, and you'd hate to end up in someone's viral Twitter posting for being rude in a movie theater. “Satoru! Kento is a fine man; he can be more relaxed than you give him credit for.”

“Oh?” Satoru’s brow raises and he leans in closer, as if to whisper conspiracy in the dead of the night, his nose nearly tapping the tip of yours. “Have you and Nanami been spending extracurricular time together?”

“You do know we run the creative writing club together, don't you?”

“Literature nerds.” Satoru snorts, his breath fanning across your skin. “What kind of smutty, filthy things does he write, hmmm?”

“Gojo!” You scold, plucking his chest and just barely being able to keep your heart from pumping out of your chest with his awfully close proximity. Boundaries have always been a tad wavy with Satoru, personal space becoming less personal whenever he's around, but he's never quite… unabashedly close to your lips with his own.

“What?? Fine, fine. Keep his secrets! I’d rather hear about what you write anyway. That's the fun stuff.” Satoru leans in closer, his soft, pink lips a mere hair’s breadth from yours— half of an exhale and they'll be touching.

“Come to this Friday's meet then.” Your whisper isn't out of consideration for any other attendees of the movie, as the lights are drawn down and it's begun to play now. “We're doing poetry this week.”

“I can think of far better ways to spend a Friday night.” Satoru lowers his own voice to a murmur. “How about we have our own little meet, you and me?”

“Isn't that what this is?”

“What, you can't make a little more time for me?” Satoru pouts pathetically and you begin to suspect that he can cry on command after seeing how sad his eyes seem.

“I’m a busy woman, Satoru. You know the life of a college professor.” Your tongue darts out over your lips, tasting the vanilla cupcake flavored gloss you slid on tonight.

“So let's make the most of this time then.” Satoru's knuckle taps your chin up and then he's pressing his lips to yours. It's a gentle kiss, an ultimate test of your boundaries, but one he's confident will go his way. He notices the little things about you, the way you linger for him at the end of the day, just to walk to the parking lot together. You have his Starbucks order memorized, make him delicious sweets all the time and do plenty of other soft gestures that make his heart beat.

Warmth floods your face at Satoru's kiss— never in your life did you think things would get to this point between the two of you. All that time pining for him was surely wasted, wasn't it? You certainly could have made a move months ago, and he'd have received you eagerly. It's you that deepens the kiss, encouraging Satoru’s tongue to lick at your sweet lips and, little by little, remove the tasty gloss from your lips.

Satoru’s teeth gently dig into your lower lip, sucking it into his mouth for a moment, letting go soon after. The armrest between you is quickly flipped up, your poor candy boxes sent flying as Satoru moves in further, bracing a large hand on your back as he lays you back in the seat. A rumble echoes in his chest as your fingers find their place in his hair and gently thread through the white locks, spurring the professor’s kissing into something more frenzied, more desperate and with a tinge of neediness dabbled in too.

Your concept of time is muddied by the time Satoru pulls his lips back, your lip gloss smeared between both of your faces in a messy display of actions that you'd expect teenagers to do rather than adults past thirty. Satoru smiles down at you, eyes beautiful crescents to match the gorgeousness of his grin. “So you'll meet up with me again soon, right?”

Satoru can hardly register your snort before your arms are around his neck and pulling him down for more.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Satoru turns his head to the screen, his brows knitted as he witnesses a scene that certainly wasn't there when he actually watched this movie before. “We're in the wrong theater!”

It's a tad hard to explain to the manager on duty that there's been a mistake when the movie you were actually in was ten minutes from its end, but somehow Satoru manages to talk his way into a showing of the film you'd actually paid for, giving you just enough time to slather on some more lip gloss before Makeout Paradise 2: Electric Boogaloo.

#gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojou satoru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo x reader #jjk imagine #x reader #reader insert

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lodeddiperactivate · 2 years ago

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I hate you more! Part 3

Pairing: Rodrick Heffley x fem!reader

Word count: 737

Warnings: angst

Summary: Reader sabotages Rodrick’s chances with Heather. A classic enemies to lovers!

Author's note: I'm trying to be more consistent in writing, and I'm trying to "plan out" the chapters more? As you may have noticed (or not), I have also updated my masterlist for better reading experience I guess haha I have also started to be more detailed as I can when posting fanfics including warnings and proper tagging lol I'm still new to all of this but yeah :) This chapter's a bit short but I just wanted to get this out so I can start "planning" the next few chapters? lol yeah

Tags: @tomhockstetter7-111 @vihtoriacorrea @sleepyb1txh

"How do you read this again?" You asked Rodrick while pointing at the word "Sweaty" that's spelled out on a dog bowl.

"Uhh duh, it's sweetie!" Rodrick said confidently.

This is the second day of your tutoring session with Rodrick, and a day before your big test. You had arrived at the Heffleys a bit early so you decided to hang out with Greg and Rowley in the living room when Greg told you about how Rodrick pronounces "Sweetie." You decided to put it to the test when Rodrick came in through the front doors, and you held up the dog bowl and asked him what it says.

You, Greg, and Rowley failed miserably at trying to hide your laughter. It was too much that even Rodrick got embarassed. What's worse is that he doesn't know why you guys were laughing. He taunted Greg, and you decided to step in.

"Alright, come on, Rodrick, time to study," as you pull him by the waistband on his shirt.

"Don't tell me what to do," Rodrick snapped at you as he eyed you pulling him by his shirt.

"Oh? I think in this case, I can," you snapped back at him.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, because if you don't," you paused for a while and smirked at him. "Oh Mrs. Heffleyyyy," you said in an almost sing-song voice.

"Fine fine, you're a snitch!" Rodrick sighed in defeat as he headed upstairs into his room.

"She's awesome!" Greg told Rowley but you didn't hear it because you were already walking up the stairs with Rodrick.

When you arrived at Rodrick's room, it was still as messy as the first time you had set foot in there.

"Geez, would it kill you to clean up in here?"

"Why clean my own room when my mom will do it for me when she gets tired of calling me out on not cleaning my room?" Rodrick said as if he had figured out all the answers to the world. You just rolled your eyes.

"Let's just get this over with."

"What's the rush?" He asked.

"None of your business," you replied. The truth is that you're planning to sneak out later because you heard that there was this party where college students go to at the far-end of town. You always thought that you were too mature for your age so you casually enjoy hanging out with older people. Truth is, you always thought people can see right through your "too cool to be here" attitude and you're worried that people would hate you for it. Maybe Rodrick was right when he said you were only pretending in order to fit in. Did he just figure out your whole double life, the one you tried oh so hard to hide?

The good news is that no one can really tell how old you were when at events like college parties, and you still have your own set of fake IDs from when you were dating your ex. Rodrick didn't ask anymore questions but you can tell that he was curious about it.

"Anyway, let me be frank, you suck at spelling and your grammar is shitty. If I am getting this $100 a week, you need to really mean it."

"Why should I? You're the one getting paid, and if I recall correctly, you lied to me!"

"About what?"

"About Heather!"

"Please, you never had a chance with her!"

Rodrick became silent. His expression pained. You apologized and decided to reach your hand out to him, with the intention of giving him a light tap on the shoulder, but he dismissed it.

"Yeah okay," Rodrick's voice was low and soft. "Whatever," he said after some pause.

He was sitting on the bed and you were facing him, books and notes sprawled out in front of you two. Recently, you've noticed that there's this gnawing feeling whenever you see this side of him, like you want to take care of him. Then again, there is that other side that makes you want to punch him in the face.

"Rodrick," you said softly.

"What?" You detected a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"What if I split the $100? You get $40, I get $60, as long as you take this seriously. And if you take this seriously, we can end today's session a bit early," that last one was for your own benefit.

"Deal."

DOAWK masterlist

#diary of a wimpy kid #rodrick rules #rodrick heffley #rodrick heffley fanfic #rodrick heffley fluff #rodrick heffley x you #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick heffley x y/n #rodrick heffley x fem!reader #devon bostick #i hate you more

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galene-gothic · 2 years ago

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𝖶𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖨 𝗆𝖺𝖽𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗋 ?

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ PAID SERVICES

Today we'll take a look at:

- how has the patriarchy affected you?

- what makes you such a worthy and respectable person?

- what were you made for?

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

꒰ How has the patriarchy affected you ? ꒱

I think we're all aware of this but women and men function differently due to their hormonal cycles that are different. Yes, women are really capable of being hard workers and go getters, however, women burn out much easier at some point in the month. The patriarchal system has completely ignored that fact and even if women are dying from period pain, we're still supposed to work because otherwise we're deemed as 'weak' or 'lazy'. However, this has caused many women, including you to become very restless. You're constantly on the go and tend to burn yourself out. The patriarchy controls your mind a bit more than that of an average person's. You find yourself changing your mind and words regarding things very often, when engaging in conversations with men because you really value their validation (whether you're aware of it or not). Some of you have only guy friends because 'girls are too much drama'. While, it's not possible to be a 100% self aware.

You lack self awareness in general. You haven't improved yourself enough in terms of morals and character. Spiritually and emotionally, you're lacking. Due to how hard you seem to work, you might have accomplished a lot or have a lot of money but you're still very poor in terms of personal character. You've also become quite a thrill chaser, some of you do not understand how hook-up culture, friends with benefits, uncommitted relationships, situationships, etc. only benefit men. You also have a sense of hyper independence. You might end up providing for or spoiling men who you are not in committed relationship with you just because they make you feel excited but do not take any money from them because of that sense of hyper independence, just for them to disappoint you later and you feeling completely drained out. Some of you have fallen victim to trying to be a certain way (wife material) just to attract men, just to lose yourself in the end. Could be a temporary energy but is definitely driven by patriarchy.

꒰ What makes you a worthy and respectable person ? ꒱

You're at the end of a cycle. I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have any friends because you seem to have gone through major and multiple disappointments, betrayals, heartbreaks and endings in the past one and a half year. Even though, you've lost your dignity and reputation, people tried to throw dirt on your name (probably because you made a few mistakes), you're building yourself back up. One thing about you is that even though you tend to completely burn yourself out, you know how to give yourself time to heal and recover. It's your time to start again, a fresh slate, a whole different book but you're making the most out of it. You know that you've hit the absolute low and now the only way is up. You have had really traumatising experiences at school, college or university. I'm getting that you have a lot of potential to grow. This reading is supposed to remind you that the end was not just the end, it was also a new beginning. Some of you might've considered throwing everything away, if you know what I'm suggesting but you chose to continue living, I'm really proud of you.

You're able to keep going even though there are times when you feel really alone, probably because you actually are. You lack the presence of supportive people in your life or did at some point of time and have gone through really hard times. Even though, you have the tendency to drown in your sadness, one thing you do know how to do is to look within yourself for answers, you tend to have epiphanies, you look into the past in order to move forward with a proper slate, you try to make sure you have learnt all the lessons in order to move forward. You've had a lot of selfish people around you who you gave a lot to. Those people seem to have pushed you under busses and trains though (metaphorically). However, you're able to take good care of yourself and know how to do well by yourself. You're learning how to put yourself first. You cannot be put into a box, you have different aspects of yourself that you tap into when necessary. You're also able to accept people for who they truly are, literally all aspects and sides of them. You have a thirst for knowledge but because of how you're constantly on the go, you might not have time to educate yourself which is causing you to feel untrue to yourself.

꒰ What were you made for ? ꒱

You were made for being original. One of the reasons why you are not in the best place is because of how you try to deny your true spirit and fit in instead or atleast tried. No one has ever understood you and you might have been considered to be an outcast for being different, so, it might be difficult but that's where you'll find true happiness. You're meant to change your views to be a bit taboo but still human and preach it to others, not through words but through actions. You're here to be understanding towards those who are similar to you. You're different from the majority and that's who you're supposed to be. The energy that I'm getting is that you have people around you who are misogynistic, racist, religious to the point of hatred towards others, etc. so unintentionally, you end up denying your own morals in order to fit in with them.

You were meant to be open minded and listen to different opinions. You were meant to be rebellious, and break the toxic cycle of oppression masked as 'traditions'. You were made to question things and try to cause necessary changes instead of being like "it is what it is" or "atleast, women don't have it as bad as in the '80s." There's a chance that you're an activist, freedom fighter or have a similar energy. You're supposed to challenge power and authority in order to help the weaker ones. You were here to create a better earth. If you're one of the people who forces your religious beliefs onto others and hates on people with a different religion, this pile is not for you or atleast you're supposed to outgrow that energy. I'd be surprised if you guys even had a religion, to be honest. You were here to fight for freedom and break past restrictions, it likely started with your childhood home or family, maybe you had to fight in order to be a person of your own.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

꒰ How has the patriarchy affected you ? ꒱

You tend to have ingenuine platonic relationships with girls. It's like, both of you dislike each other and you both know you dislike each other but act like you do not dislike each other to each other's faces, even though you both know that the other knows that you kind of dislike them. People who hate you tend to comment "so gorgeous" to your posts and you've been guilty of doing the same thing in the past too. If you still do it, please grow out of it. You have a hard time trusting girls, tend to keep secrets and are really private which causes girls to be cautious of you. You take responsibility for men's shit and believe you need to earn worthiness in other people's lives. You might have a belief that you'll only be worthy if you earn a certain amount of money or look a certain way. You care about other people's emotions, including the men surrounding you but even when they do not give a shit about your feelings, you still feel guilty.

I'm getting you being like "but I don't want to hurt him" even though he made you sleep on the couch in your own house, you paid for every date, he did/said things to break you down and continued entertaining other people. You tend to neglect one aspect of your life for another and even though I'm not being able to pinpoint how, it is a product of patriarchy. Either, you already have or need to decenter men because it seems to be ruining your life. You've learnt how to stay quiet and hold back especially when it comes to men because they could do potentially dangerous things to you or because you center them and are too scared to speak out. You might come from an area where the difference in treatment between men and women is really evident, due to which you might've not gotten the same opportunities as men or have seen older women not getting the same opportunities as men. You tend to question yourself a lot, hesitate, doubt your skills and worthiness, etc. My advice is to decenter men and build yourself instead.

꒰ What makes you a worthy and respectable person ? ꒱

You're going through an internal transformation and are kind of having an existential crisis. You question your beliefs and values. You might have a tendency to cling onto the past though. However, you're releasing and starting fresh. I think you're starting to understand the importance of a stable foundation at this point of time. Mentally, you tend to be scared of changes but are starting to learn how to let go. You're also able to put your ego aside in order to be true with and to yourself. You might've recently gotten out of a toxic and abusive relationship or friendship, it doesn't have to be physically abusive but they did use you for their own personal reasons while neglecting you as a person. You're finally able to realise what doesn't serve you and release those things and people. You are also learning how to accept yourself and not believe that you're a bad person just because of a few mistakes that you made. You're learning how to be independent and gain control over your life.

You have a really selfless side that was misused, however, you're learning how to not shame yourself over it. You're also able to avoid distractions, differentiate between what's good and what's not, and move forward with your life. You're self controlled and in touch with the darker aspects of yourself, so many of you are doing shadow work or should start doing it, very beneficial for you. You respect other people's differences. You're realising that love is supposed to be mutual and you deserve to receive the love that you give out to others. You're also very loyal once you trust or love people enough. You value deep connections and understand that being deeply loved is always better than being widely liked. You don't treat uglier or foreign people in a bad way, you respect everyone as long as they respect you and you're able to show respect. You're good at bonding with people and expressing love to others, this might've caused you to be victimised and used in the past but you're learning how to turn it into a strength.

꒰ What were you made for ? ꒱

You likely need a lot of alone time. You were made for a peaceful life and also to provide that space for others. You were made to teach others that they are allowed to take care of themself in order to heal. Some of you could like or study psychology. You were made to contemplate life and grow as a person. Meditating could make you feel closer to yourself. You'll likely have periods in your life where you'll be popular and well liked until you fall and are looked down on, you're supposed to make the most out of those moments. You might be power and fame hungry actually, your true sense of happiness will come only when you understand that developing your character is better than chasing fame. You'll have to learn how to feel successful on the inside.

You might achieve success later in life or atleast when you've learnt how to not function on ego, when you let go of arrogance. You're supposed to build confidence, character and self esteem first, otherwise, no matter how successful you'll get, it'll fall apart. You'll have a lot of realisations and private victories. Also, you'll have to learn how to not go broke while trying to look rich. You'll have a lot of unrequited love experiences, I wouldn't be shocked if you've already undergone a few of them. You're supposed to learn how to not pass blame and be a little less reasonable with toxic people. You'll learn so much through love, heartbreaks and experiences. Most of your heartbreaks will be through situationships. You'll have to go through extremes of personality and situations in order to learn and help people younger than you.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

꒰ How has the patriarchy affected you ? ꒱

This pile at some point has been guilty of being proud about dating someone popular or something along those lines, if not, you pretend to be happy and content in order to make other women jealous, you might not be aware of it but if you deeply reflect, you'll find this to be true. You understand how being in touch with the correct or well reputed men will increase your value in other women's eyes. If not, other women try to do that to you. Regardless of whether you know it or not, you tend to see other women as competition and vice versa. You know how to make the most out of patriarchy. You're a hardworker and run after success. I feel like patriarchy has caused you to hate men because you have learnt a lot and understood how it works and how most men are incapable of empathising with stuff.

You might show an attitude to men or not give them the time of the day, atleast most men. The way you seem to be living life is with a "when men do it, it's alright but when I do it, it's not? fuck it!" mindset. You love seeing women putting men to their place, it gives you an odd satisfaction. There have been times when misogyny and men have made you feel really powerless and incapable. You were also mentally and emotionally all over the place. You might come from a place where men are babied but really young girl children are expected to be all responsible. I feel like men around you act like they know more, they're smarter when in reality, you've always had to dumb yourself in order to make them feel better about themself. I'm sorry but that's all that I'm getting here. I hope this energy is temporary because while patriarchy sucks, there are good men around !!

꒰ What makes you a worthy and respectable person ? ꒱

You're able to accept that people have different beliefs (as long as they have good morals) and will have different life journeys. You naturally seem to attract a lot of envy if I'm honest. You know how to work in a team despite fights and arguments. At this point, you also tend to avoid unnecessary fights and competitions. You don't enjoy conflict. You're able to make decisions for yourself and know how to come to a middle ground with people. You tend to go through an internal conflict whenever you do something wrong. You're sensitive to small details but that's because of your detail oriented eyes. You try your best to organise your thoughts, and know how and when to use intellect against people. You're quite demanding. You should be careful with words and more expressive, there are people who tend to be worried about you because they care about you. You guys have pretty straight forward yet refined speech.

You could be seen as someone unkind but that doesn't stop you from trying to make wise decisions. You've gotten rid of a victim mindset and have developed a winner mindset instead. You have realisations and breakthroughs that you use in order to become a better person. You're really resilient and try to develop yourself as a person. You're honest and very clear when communicating. You should learn how to plan things and write them down though. You're very intelligent and witty. You have a vision for the future and have great imagination. Emotionally, you try to express your positive feelings truthfully. Success finds you everywhere because of your mindset, you know how to take lessons and move forward. I think you have the tendency to come off cold though, almost as if you're speaking without emotions but only because you're really honest instead of feeding into delusions. You're able to overcome any obstacle thrown your way, especially if it affects you emotionally. Truly, proud of you guys, continue going !!

꒰ What were you made for ? ꒱

You were made for happiness. You are supposed to learn how to build things for yourself and appreciate what you have. You're supposed to be wise and self disciplined, and teach the same things to younger girls. You're supposed to help others navigate life through your actions and also your words when they come to you asking for advice. You were born to live a comfortable life so naturally I don't think you tolerate bullshit as much as the last two piles. You are meant to have more than enough of everything and help others with it. You're supposed to be successful while doing exactly what it is that you wish to do. At some point, you're supposed to lack confidence and build it gradually. You were too naive in the past which caused you a lot of trouble. You're supposed to build a comfort zone for yourself after stepping out of your previous one.

You're supposed to learn how to not be reckless but also how to not lose opportunities while playing safe. You're supposed to teach how to have fun to young girls who had to grow up too fast. You're supposed to learn how to not cry over spilt milk. One emotion that you seem to have felt throughout your life is guilt, you are here to learn how to help people through tough experiences. You're supposed to experience negative feelings and learn how to deal with them and find happiness. You're also supposed to give hope to others is what I'm getting. You're supposed to teach others how to think about the worst in order to stay realistic while still not expect it or let it worry you too much. You'll see a lot of betrayals in this lifetime, even if it's not you experiencing them first hand. You're supposed to learn how to trust in love again.

#pac #pac reading #intuitive readings #pick a deck #pick a card #pick a picture #astro observations #pick a gif #pick a photo #astrovations #astro notes #pick a pile reading

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aparticularbandit · 2 years ago

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Idk if you write yandere but if it is okay. Maybe yandere Claire and reader

Thank u

Rating: M for mature themes.

IDK if this is what you wanted, Nonnie, but I tried.

You first ran into Claire Debella during your junior year of college. Every now and again, a guest speaker would be called on for one of the upper level classes, and you'd come into college with a bunch of early credits, putting you well in range to take that class, even though you shouldn't have been able to take it until senior year. You'd thought, well, it would be nice to hear from people in the actual field more often than not and had set yourself up to take it once your junior year and once your senior year - perhaps more, if you could get your credits to align.

Claire was the first speaker, a Democrat from Connecticut on the campaign trail, stopping to encourage the next generation. To vote, primarily. Especially to vote for her.

Halfway through her speech, she asked a question, something tricky, and while she didn't call on you first, you were the one who had the correct answer. You'd seen it in her eyes then, the glimmer of approval followed by the gentle lift of her lips in the barest hint of a smile that she'd all too quickly suppressed as she continued speaking.

Afterwards, Claire stopped you. "No other student has ever answered that correctly."

"It wasn't hard," you said without thinking. "It follows logic and the patterns of the masses. Any intelligent person should have been able to come up with the answer." You smirked. "Eventually."

Claire gave you a look that you didn't notice and then one that you did, her arms crossing under her chest. "I have an opening on my team."

You glanced up at her. "An internship?"

"Paid."

Your brows raised.

"Experience on the campaign trail will do wonders for you," Claire continued, looking away from you. Or, as you realize later, pretending to do so, not wanting you to catch her at it.

You considered it. You wanted it. But--

"I can't," you said and hating yourself for saying it. "I can't miss that much school--"

"A mentorship, then." Claire's eyes flicked over to you, and as soon as you noticed her gaze, they trailed up to meet your eyes. "Zoom meetings on the trail, in person afterwards. How does that sound?"

You could arrange for that. You could make time. It would help you tremendously in the future, when you started looking for jobs after college, to say you'd been mentored by someone like Claire. Perhaps she would have that opening again next summer and you could be an intern then--

Then you gave her a slight nod. "Sounds good to me."

Claire smiled then, but you didn't notice the darkness in it until much later. "Any intelligent person would have come to that answer eventually." She met your eyes again hungrily. "We'll talk soon."

Claire had seemed like a normal mentor. Even more than that, she'd seemed normal over that summer when you did intern for her - and she paid you well above minimum wage, well above maybe what you should have been paid - but that hadn't seemed bad. Or wrong.

Sure, she'd never approved of any of your dates, and usually they broke up with you very, very shortly after being alone with her, but you never put two and two together until later.

Not until after you graduated.

Not until after she gave you a real job.

It's an event that maybe you shouldn't have been at.

No, you definitely shouldn't have been there, but Claire invited you. Said you were the best assistant she'd ever had and you deserved to go, so you had. Dressed your best, but still not quite enough to fit in with the other elites around you.

Claire rubbed shoulders with a lot of people given her influence, got invited to a lot of parties. This is just one of them - a birthday party for the not entirely well-esteemed Birdie Jay. Claire assured you she was just an old friend, but you're still not sure.

Still. Standing here among models and fashion elites, you feel...out of place. Like you shouldn't be here.

And it doesn't make you feel any better that Claire is conspicuously not paying you any attention. It's like...like she invited you, but she....

Maybe she hadn't really expected you to come.

So you end up at the open bar, drinking a little too much, feeling like Cinderella might have felt at the ball if she'd stayed past midnight, until one of Claire's other old friends - Jen Barkley, who you'd spent plenty of time with during your internship and who had frequently interrupted your Zoom meetings. Not always with very good reasons.

....

Actually, never with good reason.

If you're honest with yourself, you don't like Jen. But you're drunk, and she's...not quite drunk, actually, but close enough, and if you look at her in just the right light, she almost looks like Claire.

(You will never tell anyone that you find Claire attractive. At least not again. Your old roommate did not approve of your crush. You don't know what happened to her either. She just stopped talking to you after graduation. Which is odd because you'd thought you were really good friends.)

Which is how you end up in one of the hallways off of the main room with Jen's tongue down your throat, and to be honest, she's not that great of a kisser, but she's warm and she's there and you're definitely more than a little bit drunk and--

All of a sudden, Jen stops. You think about asking her why, but then you see the hand on her shoulder and Claire standing behind her with daggers for eyes. It doesn't matter that you're drunk; you swallow hard and find yourself saying, "Sorry, sorry, we shouldn't have," in a slur, avoiding Claire's eyes.

Claire's hand tenses on Jen's shoulder. "Jen, can I talk to you for a minute?" She guides Jen away from you, offers you something that looks halfway between a smile and halfway between bared teeth, and then says, "You should go on home. Drunk isn't a good look on you."

You bite your lower lip and nod.

Except.

You want to apologize to Claire again. You want to know that she isn't going to fire you for being so unprofessional. This might not be a professional event, but Claire invited you, and if you made her look bad, then....

This is why you don't drink at these sorts of things.

So you wait.

And wait.

And wait some more.

And then people start leaving but Claire hasn't shown up again, and you're pretty certain that people can't leave down the hallway where you'd been with Jen, so Claire should be coming back this way. Or should have. And hasn't. Isn't.

Claire's your boss. You should probably go check and make sure she's okay. Not that Jen would do anything to her. Ew, gross, wait, maybe they're together and that's why Jen kept barging in on your Zoom streams while Claire was campaigning. Maybe Claire was mad at Jen because she shouldn't have been making out with you, she should have been with Claire--

All of this you think while you walk down the hallway, checking out every door you find, and then you think you see Claire, so you push open the door and--

Oh.

"Claire?"

The room is dark, but you can tell that she's covered in something red and wet and shining, and you're drunk and really hope that isn't blood.

You also hope that isn't a body on the floor in front of her. Really hope that isn't Jen.

Claire turns to you. "You...weren't supposed to see this."

Suddenly, your heart starts beating faster. Claire just killed someone. Claire just killed someone and you walked in on it. Claire is going to kill you.

But before you can make it to the door, Claire is there, a hand on your wrist, and when you open your mouth to scream, she kisses you instead. You still scream, at first, but she muffles you, and then you kind of forget that you're supposed to be screaming because for all that Jen was a bad kisser, Claire is. well. wow. Before you know it, you're kissing her back, and then your hand is in her hair, and then her hair is sticky because blood, and then you're screaming again, but it doesn't last as long this time.

Claire parts just enough to say, "I'm not going to hurt you," and you hate it, but you're drunk, and you believe her. But that doesn't stop your heart from beating fast in your chest. She glares over her shoulder at the body. "Jen knew better than to touch you."

You should ask.

You swallow hard.

You don't ask.

#musings #bandit fic #bandit answers questions #anonymous #glass onion #claire debella #claire debella x reader #jen barkley #jennifer barkley #parks and rec

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physalian · 10 months ago

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What No One Tells You About Writing 8— “Anyone can write a book”

Yes. But actually no. I say “writing is easy” in that it doesn’t take a degree and textbook learning to understand. You can get an English or lit degree if you want, but writing is incredibly subjective. It’s not even like an art degree that has you study different mediums and historical styles. “Writing is easy” in that it’s about feeling, and instinct, and a little bit of common sense. Anyone can do it in that it doesn’t take financial investment to start. Steal a tchotchke pen and paper from a hotel room—you’ve got all the tools you need. I have a communications degree and 9 years of experience, and I'm about to publish my first supernatural fantasy novel.

Writing is not easy, however, if any of the following applies to you:

You want to make enough money to do this full time

You want to appeal to mass audiences

You want to be a NYT bestseller**** or get an adaptation

You want to be regarded as the best of your generation and fill bookstore shelves

1. It takes a healthy dose of self-awareness and a reality check

I beta’d for an author who thought that he was comparable to GRRM, the author of A Song of Ice and Fire, because both have adult themes in their book and if GRRM can do it, why can’t he? The sheer vastness of the divide between ASOIAF and this awful, awful manuscript wasn’t worth putting into words for the amount I was being paid, though I tried.

Yes, you can write whatever you want. Yes, you can write to please yourself and stroke your ego. You can write the hammiest wish-fulfillment author insert that you desire. But you can’t expect anyone else to want to read or pay money for it. It’s great to have confidence as an author and envision your success, but starting right off the bat with “everyone will love this book because I’m really smart and I love this book” is only going to leave you bitter and penniless.

2. You might be an expert in your given field, doesn’t automatically make you an expert at storycrafting

I really, truly want the above godawful toe wart of a human (who tried to justify pedophilia in his book with the Israel-Palestine conflict) to stop featuring in my writing advice, but I know he’s not the only person out there who thinks like this. You might have a doctorate in engineering, medicine, political science, chemistry, physics, history, paleontology—any field you want. That does not mean you can successfully translate your expertise into a well-crafted and compelling narrative. It means you can write a college textbook lecturing your readers for 300 pages. Heck, if you can't explain what you do like I'm 5 years old, then you're not an expert in your field.

Elements of good storytelling include well-rounded characters, solid pacing, compelling themes and motifs, an engaging main conflict and character arcs and edge-of-your-seat action, romance, debates, and arguments. It’s so much more than “I’m going to write a textbook, but have my character tell it to you, and everyone will love it”.

They won’t.

3. “I’m gonna be a millionaire like JKR”

The frustrating thing about making money writing is that at the end of the day, you are still selling a product. Which means that it doesn’t matter how amazing you think it is, if it’s not what sells. The Fifty Shades series is hardly a poetic epic with deep, meaningful characters and themes, but it sold. It got adaptations. Why? Because it was a product people wanted and its writing style appeals to mass audiences who aren’t entertained by fluffy, antiquated prose. I hated the Divergent books. They soullessly and shamelessly fed off the success of Hunger Games. But they sold because “teen dystopia HP houses” was what audiences craved and what Hollywood was pushing to make movies out of.

Personally I don’t have any nostalgia for Harry Potter and I both wish I did so I could have one more beloved series and fandom to participate in, but also am glad I don’t because of JKR. HP is chock full of plot holes and “fuck it we’ll do it live” worldbuilding and so many concepts that look cool on paper until you really start thinking about it.

JKR didn’t make a million dollars because she wrote the greatest fantasy series. JKR made a million dollars because she wrote a book that sells every goddamn piece of lore for $15.99 or more and collects on all those sweet, sweet royalties. She understood that she’s selling a product, not just a story, selling everything from Slytherin ties and wizarding robes to golden snitches, sorting hats, wands, chocolate frogs, and every other prop seen in the movies.

You sure can chase trends and I’m sure Divergent is somebody’s favorite book and you can hock chocolate frogs. Everyone’s writing goals are different.

4. “But GRRM did it” (or, adhering to genre expectations)

Circling back to this one. Once again, you can write whatever you want, no one is stopping you. However, books are products and if what’s in the summary and on the cover isn’t what’s on the pages, you’re going to upset and annoy your readers. For example, if I slap a chiseled six-pack of man meat on my book cover with flowy calligraphy for the title that reads something like Sex and Pink Champagne and my summary is all about how protagonist girl gets the adonis of her dreams, you’re not going to be happy if, 200 pages in, the plot detours and Mr. Sexy fucks off to sell NFTs.

It doesn’t meet genre expectations.

GoT kicks off with incest and child defenestration. It tells you *exactly* what you’re getting into immediately. You can subvert plot expectations all you want. You can subvert tropes and archetypes and throw in all kinds of twists and turns. But if you’re writing a YA novel and 100 pages in after campfire songs and the power of friendship, Protagonist gets assaulted in a 7-11 parking lot because you wanted to be ~edgy~ you’re going to piss off your readers.

Take Mulan for example. It has a dramatic tonal shift so powerful, the musical stops being a musical because it’s traumatized. Mulan doesn’t drop in the grizzled and horrifying wasteland of a battlefield with thousands of dead soldiers in an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It’s already a war movie, the possibility is already there.

If you want to write adult content, then write a book for audiences who are prepared for and want to read adult content. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for failure.

5. “Okay but it’s not entertaining”

Your first job as an author is to entertain (your second is to do it responsibly imo). There’s millions of books out there—why should someone read yours? Whether that’s entertainment through a feel-good romance or a gut-wrenching tragedy, you need to keep convincing your readers to stay invested in the story, otherwise they can and will put it down to read something else. No one is obligated to read your book to the end.

So, yeah your protagonist might have all the elements of your own personal tragedies and it sure is meaningful to you, but the way you wrote it is incredibly boring and no one will care. It might be the most brilliant heist plot ever conceived, but you focused on all the wrong elements, the pacing is whack, and your protagonist is annoying, so no one will read it.

Very few individual elements can be good enough to carry the entire manuscript and the likelihood of an author being really good at one thing and awful at the rest is slim. Readers can quit a book over the most arbitrary reasons. Do you want to die on a hill of “I’m not changing my annoying protagonist, I’m right and they will see”? They won’t. The arguments authors get into with me over how I hated their protagonist or I told them which parts were boring and dragged because I “didn’t understand the story” are pointless. If it’s boring or confusing or annoying, no one will read it.

6. First Drafts are drafts for a reason

Actually writing is less than half the time and effort spent on getting a book to publication. Probably less than a quarter. The rest of that time is spent editing and rewriting. Some first drafts will be better than others, not arguing that, but your first run through your story has a non-zero chance of needing revisions, even for something as small as typos and punctuation.

You have to edit for pacing and tonal shifts, erroneous details and entire scenes, character inconsistencies and goals. You have to make sure your conversations flow believably, that you hit every talking point that scene requires. You have to make sure your character’s motivations don’t create plot holes and that they’re always on track like a real person and not a creation of your imagination. You have to make sure your action scenes and sex scenes are legible and as thrilling for a reader as they are for you. You have to make sure your worldbuilding is consistent and logical and easy to understand.

Some people outline heavily before starting page one. Some people have a sticky note of “beginning middle end” and run off that. Some have whole folders of different documents to keep track of all their elements. Everyone’s writing process is different, but it is a process, not a one-and-done. It requires revisions, seeking feedback, implementing that feedback, and more revisions until it’s as good as it can be.

Yes, you need to edit. No, you’re not the writing god who penned perfection on your first try. Maybe a piece of your story is perfect on the first draft, but not the whole thing from start to finish. It’s okay that your story isn’t what you thought it would be when you started, and it’s no failing of you as a writer to need edits or even massive changes. It happens to everyone.

7. “Writing is easy, thus it’s not a real job”

Really the notion that creatives are lesser than corporate business people solving problems that their business created. But specifically for writing, the idea that it’s just putting words on a page, thus it’s easy and anyone can do it, so it’s not impressive or deserving of praise and you really need a real job (you probably will because writing doesn’t make much money for most people, but that’s just how it shakes out).

I know ENNS won’t appeal to everyone. I know there will be people who hate my characters, who don’t understand them or don’t agree with their philosophies or find my writing trite and too lean and not ~immersive~. I know there’ll be homophobes out there who won’t even read it but hear about it and make assumptions and will leave me crap reviews. I know it’s not the greatest supernatural fantasy novel ever written.

I’m not in it to make money or get a movie deal and see my merch all over the shelves and get my own theme park. I write so that even one reader might see themselves in my characters and know they’re not alone. So that even one reader has one of my characters as their favorite and that character motivates them to do the Thing or keep moving forward or be brave enough to finally do whatever they’ve been too afraid to attempt before. I want to help people, even if at the end of the day, my writing only helps myself.

Yes I need supplemental income (who doesn’t these days). It’s the way of the world. But I’m doing what I love in my free time and it is a real job because it takes work, and it might not have monetary value but its value to me is priceless.

#writing #writing advice #writing resources #writing a book #writing tips #writing tools #writeblr #what no one tells you about writing #the writing process #long post

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lovepox · 5 months ago

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long time no update! i thought i forgot my tumblr password again but i miraculously remembered it. i'm always so surprised there's people still reblogging stuff i posted years ago here like that's crazy its been literally a decade this year i traveled to portugal, korea, and mexico. i turned 27 and the psychological jump from 26 to 27 is CRAZY like people think you're so old when you say you're 27 but still think you're a baby when you're 26? weird

getting to the age where younger people say DAMN when you say it outloud is so 😭 a very strange experience. seeing fine lines that weren't there last year is a very strange experience.

i also got double eyelid surgery when i was in korea lol but the results are soooo subtle that i'm like damn... i really paid $2k to look the same only other life update is that i now stan a jpop group called psychic fever and am seeing them in concert in february... like i can't believe it........ at this big age.......... i fell back into fandom and i'm exactly where i was when i was 13 SKLDGLSFDGJLSDKGJ whatever stream love fire

to be honest all i did this year was work and i'm pretty sad about that. like looking back at my past yearly updates and realizing not much has changed since i made those is sad! i thought i'd be doing bigger and better things by now. i'm very grateful for all that i have now, but i need to be more intentional with making time to explore my aspirations and plotting my escape from corporate america on a serious level 😭 born to travel and hangout, forced to create decks

i hope when i update next year, i'll have something more exciting to say

here's what i look like now. i don't think i've posted a selfie since i was in college (CRAZY)

bye see you in a year if i don't forget my password again

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a-m-pyra · 7 months ago

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First Burn: Ch8 The Great Comeback (American McGee's Alice/Lies of P)

A/N: Sorry guys for lack of chapters. My move from my house to a dorm was such an exhausting experience.

Mr. Mitchell arrived in the afternoon in great humor. He greeted P and Otto with a handshake and asked where Mrs. Seymour was. Otto told him with a smile to look for her in his office.

He went upstairs and entered the office, finding Alex sitting on the windowsill by the open window. He sat down next to her, took out a cigarette case and took out a match and a cigarette.

“Ah, our happy, college days,” he said, taking a lit cigarette between his fingers, and Alex looked at him reproachingly. “What's bothering you?”

She pointed to the desk. Jacob walked over and took the letter.

“So what? Winters Junior is throwing a party and he invited me too. Remember the party we had at the summer ball in '62? Then Winters Senior was throwing this ball.”

“I can't go.” She pursed her lips. “And Alice asked me to play in her musical.”

“Whom? Victoria?” He grinned and Alex nodded. “So what?”

“I haven't answered her yet. I have an orphanage to look after, these children need me, I can't leave for a few hours to rehearse. Or go to balls and come back, who knows when.”

“Are you doing this because you still feel you have obligations to Lilibeth, Alice and the kids?”

“No.”

“Of course you are.” He leaned against the desk and inhaled. “But you know you don't owe them anything? And even if. Alex, you paid off your obligations a long time ago. You took care of Alice, raised her, saved her and the children. You helped them all get over their traumas and start relatively normal lives. You're not tied to an orphanage twenty-four hours a day. There is also Nan, who has long recognized herself as the kids' grandmother and is ready to take care of them for a few hours or put them to bed.”

“I don't know. I just don't know.”

He sighed. He reached for the ashtray to put down his cigarette and walked over to her.

“With this role, do what you want. But I won't miss the ball for you. I'm going to drag half the banquet to some small living room and throw the best party there in over sixteen years.”

She smiled slightly, extinguished the cigarette and threw it out the window.

“It won't be the same without you.”

She snorted and grabbed his hand.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He ruffled her hair. “Talk to Nan. I'm sure she'll agree to be a nanny. You pay her a few pounds on top of her salary and she'll be fine.”

She laughed, shaking her head in amusement.

Alice greeted everyone and immediately took P from the living room to his room to talk to him. P raised an eyebrow, but grabbed her hand and followed her, completely confused. He watched her and how she acted. She seemed excited, but strangely nervous. As she stood in front of him and pulled the letter from her leather bag, she began to play nervously with it.

“Are you doing anything on Friday in two weeks?”

Stupid question, she thought — but she wanted to start this conversation somehow. P looked at her, raising an eyebrow. Alice appreciated how his facial expressions began to vary as he began to develop humanity.

“No. I don't think so.”

“Oh. That's good! Very good, because…” She pursed her lips and handed him the letter.

He looked at her questioningly. Alice watched as P opened it and noticed it was a party invitation.

“Were you invited to the ball?”

She nodded with a gentle smile on her lips.

“With an accompanying person.” She pointed to the note under her name and surname. “And so I thought… Maybe you would like to come with me?”

P felt hot. He scratched his cheek, scanning Alice's face.

“And?”

“You don't have to if you don't want to. I think I could find someone to go with me. However…” She trailed off, noticing that he was smiling at her.

He thought about what Gemini would suggest to him. Perhaps it would give him an idea to smile. Maybe he took her hand and shook it. Or maybe…

He pursed his lips and grabbed her hand.

“I'd love to go out with you.”

She opened her mouth and smiled widely, unable to believe what she was hearing.

She was ashamed to admit it — they had only known each other for two months — but she really wanted him to agree. She wanted to show him Winters' lavish parties — both Senior and Junior were known for them; and since she managed to regain her good name, she was invited to every party.

She wondered if Alex had gotten an invitation too. It would be a safe option — she could even go alone if Alex was going as a guest. However, unsure, she preferred to take someone she knew with her.

“Thank you.” She couldn't help but feel P's thumb lightly brush the back of her hand. “You don't even realize how much this means to me.”

“Thank you for inviting me.” He kissed her knuckles, and Alice tried to hold back the giggle that tried to escape her lips.

However, she realized that she couldn't stop the blush that showed on her face.

P tilted his head and gave her a soft smile. He had been doing this for a while, as if he was intrigued as to where her reaction was coming from. After staring at her face for a moment, he wrote down when and what time the ball was scheduled.

Alice was overjoyed.

Otto, who was standing behind the wall with Gemini and Charlie, listening in the conversation, exchanged glances with Charlie.

“I feel something coming,” Gemini whispered.

“Do you think she immediately thought of him?” Charlie asked.

“For sure,” Otto confirmed.

They both stood at attention as Alice and P left the room. Trying to pretend that they didn't know anything and that the three of them ended up here by complete accident was in vain. Neither of them — neither Alice nor P — said something. Only Alice scolded them with a look and went with P to the first floor.

“Immediately,” they said at the same moment.

Alice seemed too happy to let P be the second option.

“I'm giving them time until May at most,” Charlie said.

Otto nodded and Gemini chirped in agreement.

Alice knocked gently on Alex's office door. She heard a quiet invitation to come in, and then saw Alex sitting on the desk.

Alice was used to Alex sitting on her desk when she was stressed; otherwise she sat in an armchair or chaise longue — next to patients, in a chair at a desk.

She sat down on the armrest of the chair and looked at her meaningfully.

“Remember our conversation about the role?”

Alice felt herself getting cold. She couldn't imagine anyone being a better fit than her. She didn't even have much of an idea who could play this role. P's disagreement wouldn't be as painful as Alex's — maybe she could find an actor without too many problems. She had no problems with Victoria Creswell's brother, her sister, Lucien Durand or Napoléon Bonaparte.

The biggest problems were key characters — Carmina Dewberry and Victoria Creswell. A journeywoman and her Grand Mistress, close to each other like daughter and mother.

“I remember,” she replied carefully.

“I've thought about it.”

Alice felt the blood drain from her face.

“And? What do you think about it?”

She saw Alex holding something in her hand. She noticed a yellow-orange glow. Citrine — supposedly a reliable support in times of stress.

They were both stressed exactly the same.

“I talked to Jacob and Nan… I've thought about this whole thing.” She pursed her lips, trying to gather her thoughts. Alice gave her time to do this. “I agree.”

Alice's lips parted. She didn't say anything — instead, she stood up and hugged her, completely unable to believe what she was hearing.

Alex laughed. She stroked her back, then moved away to gently fix her hair.

“Did I tell you that you are the best…” Alice trailed off. The word mom still refused to leave her mouth. After everything she had done for her, after adopting her.

She saw a slight sadness on Alex's face, but she quickly hid it under a smile — also a sad one.

“You don't have to say it. Thank you."

Even though Alex was terribly saddened by Alice's hesitation, she didn't show it.

“Anyway.” She sighed. “Winters asked you to the prom too?”

Alex nodded.

“And I'm even going for it.”

“It can't be. You?”

“Don't forget who threw the party of the decade at the Senior’s banquet.” She booped her nose gently. “I figured Jacob and Nan were right. I should leave the orphanage. Start playing again, singing, attending social gatherings.”

“The old Coral is back. The one from the Sabbaths and…”

They both knew what she wanted to say.

“Yes. This one too.”

Alice pursed her lips, wondering if she should say it.

“There's something else.”

“Is it?”

She smiled, nodding her head.

“P agreed to come with me.”

She had never seen such joy on someone's face as Alex's at that moment — and she hated why.

“So my cards were right.”

Alice snorted in disbelief. She didn't protest, however, when Alex hugged her tightly and kissed her temple — her reaction mirrored Alice's happiness that was bursting in her chest.

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